Square Peg, Round Hole

Inside my closet, a bowl of blue...

2012-02-13T21:45:00.001-06:00

February 12,

Photo Challenge Prompt: inside my closet.

This is our entryway closet. It is the most organized closet in the house & yet probably the most used. I guess since it's right inside the door, I'm pretty anal about it. For the hubs it's uniforms, jackets, shoes, gym bag, office book bag, dirty uniform clothes (socks), boots, & a few random things (see blue lid behind basket). For me, it's jackets, sweaters, purses, random shoes, most worn shoes, shoes I wear downstairs to the cold laundry room, and over-the-door wreath hangers (odd, I know). For the dogs, it's leashes. And for the house - a little vacuum for the tile floor. So there you have it... a peek inside my closet.

February 13,

Photo Prompt Challenge: blue.

I do NOT have a lot of blue in my house. This dish is a prime example of what used to be all throughout my own places - red, blue, yellow. In 1997, my first apartment, my mom helped me set up a lovely decor in these colors & it traveled with me in my numerous (13) moves through college & grad school. Through the years I've gotten rid of a lot of this decor, but still a few pieces hang with me (ex. the dishes). I took this bowl out of the dishwasher yesterday & because of the way the dishwasher is below the cabinet that some dishes go in, I have to set them to the side & put them in the cabinet after I've closed up the dishwasher. But as on most days I got easily distracted & my husband later found the bowl sitting on the kitchen island. Along with the pudding we'd just bought recently, stacked nicely... also forgotten in a serious attack of ADD. I came into the kitchen later to find the pudding nicely sitting in the bowl. Like a centerpiece. And I actually thought... why don't I think of things like that? Our cabinets are chock full & can barely fit another item. Why not utilize something pretty to hold something we're using every night!? He's handy. I think I'll keep him. ;)

Again, if anyone has any tips on how to get the black box from around my photos, please share! You can e-mail me at CLR underscore LPC (at) yahoo dot com, if you don't feel like commenting here.

Guess who reached her Special Olympics NE fundraising goal? THIS GIRL! But if you'd like to donate, please do not hesitate. See! I do have friends ;) They just never comment on my blog :)

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

And I have THE BEST costume EVER for the Polar Plunge. I can't wait to share it :)

Happiness.

2012-02-11T21:23:00.001-06:00

Photo Challenge Prompt of the day: makes you happy.

This is a photo of what epitomized my Saturday - family, rest, relaxation, reading (our favorite hobby), & puppy love! (and kitty love) We had a blessed day together at home. It was so very cold outside. The dogs could only run out to go to the bathroom & then run back in to warm their tootsies. We reached the lowest lows last night that we've reached since we moved here (-8).

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Self Portrait

2012-02-10T19:26:00.001-06:00

Photo Challenge prompt of the day: self portrait. It's kind of hard to take a self portrait with a DSLR camera! This is the best I could do without chopping half my head off. So here I am in all my glory. Haa :)

I started the day with good intentions of doing a 'Day in the Life' project. But it fizzled out by mid-day. I did snap a few pics. I finally crawled out of bed after 4 hours of sleep. We went to bed super early, but it took me until at least 10:30 to fall asleep. As of 2:30am, I was wide awake, as was my husband. We laid there chatting on/off in the dark until he finally crawled out of bed around 6:30 & I got up about an hour later. What a night. Neither of us could sleep once we woke up at 2. To say I'm tired right now is the understatement of the day. It's 7:16pm & I'm ready for bed! Whew. I had a 9am massage appointment. I thought it would maybe help me to feel better overall, but I was wrong. I realized quite quickly that I've never had a real Swedish massage. I've only had myofascial & deep tissue. So the Swedish was extremely disappointing. Not only that but I went to a school of massage & they played NO music. It was AWKWARD!!! I had to listen to her breathing & sniffling the entire hour. Overall = FAIL. And if you really want something to work your back/neck/shoulder muscles, do NOT go for a Swedish massage. Go for a little something more.

I then had to head to base for my Biggest Loser weigh-in. No surprise there, I gained two pounds. I have not been working out like I was & also haven't been following my WW plan as closely. But we all fall off the wagon every now & again. It's time to get back in the saddle. I guess that would mean I fell off the horse though, rather than the saddle? Pointless. I digress. Tomorrow we're walking a 5k (indoors, as it will be in the teens) at 10am.

Then I just had all these random errands to run & spent the rest of my afternoon at work. I got off work, ran more errands & am finally resting after a yummy dinner. My puppies are cuddled up next to me & I am SO ready for bed..... I'm headed there as soon as I hit 'Publish'.

Blessings!

My Front Door & A New Regimen...

2012-02-09T19:54:00.001-06:00

Photo Challenge prompt of the day: Front Door. Here is a little piece of Mardi Gras, at home in Nebraska. **IF anyone knows how to get rid of that annoying black border around my photos, please share!

And, I spent $30 on new levels of my Vitamins this afternoon. I bought a higher level of both D & B-12 & took the advice of various places on the Internet & added Calcium to help the D be absorbed better. You'd think my Dr. would have recommended that, especially since I don't have a very high Calcium diet, but that speaks of our entire medical community these days. We'll see how things work out. I'm just ready to feel better.

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Cloudy days mean more than meets the eye...

2012-02-08T19:53:00.001-06:00

Photo Challenge prompt = sun. Honestly, the sun did not come out today here in the Omaha metro area. Isn't that lovely? No, not really. Yesterday was beautiful. Today was blah & grey. I saw the Dr. this morning, my husband drove & went with me. He wanted to be there to hear what was said & to visit my EFMP advocate with me. We wanted to visit the EFMP advocate first due to the fact that I've had no continuity of care since my Dr. deployed in September. He's gone for 9 months. And every time I go to the Dr. (2x since September), I've never seen the same Dr. When things get to the point they are at right now, that's not ideal. I need someone who knows my history, knows something about Scleroderma in general & how it affects the body, etc. So we saw my advocate & then on to the new Dr. She's actually a PA, which sometimes can be a good thing. My best doc on the Gulf Coast was a NP. It was... interesting. For lack of a better word. It was good. But, odd. She's very proactive & liberal with trying to figure out what's going on.

Please don't get me wrong. I'd LOVE an answer wrapped nicely in paper with a gorgeous ribbon on top. But it's never happened & I don't foresee it ever happening. All of my life it's been "well, we guess it's due to the Scleroderma" (a disease that we still don't know a lot about). It affects everyone differently. And that's one reason it is so difficult to get straight answers.

This Dr. is concerned (very) about the heart rate. But she's also concerned with why I feel SO rotten & have for so many years. And of course she wants to chalk it all up to Fibromyalgia, which pisses me off. But she is looking at many, many aspects. Seven vials of blood & one urinalysis later, I left & was rushed home so my hubs could get to a meeting at work. I then headed off to the tanning bed. Hence the picture.

The Dr. was not willing to treat the Vitamin D deficiency with any prescription Vitamin D. Her words? "The only prescription is 50,000iu a week & that can become toxic" - well my dear, I told you THREE times in the hour & fifteen minute appointment AND it's written down from the paperwork I filled out in the lobby - that I'm on approximately 105,000iu of Vitamin D a week. And have been since August. And it's gone DOWN thirty points. But she was not willing to hear that.

Nor was she willing to treat me via IM injection for the Vitamin B-12. Which I take 2-4,000mcg of a day, also since August & has gone down.

These are the things that just honest-to-God make NO sense to me....

So here I am with no more Vitamin D or B-12 than I had yesterday. So I took the advice of many & headed for the tanning bed. We don't get a lot of sun here in the Midwest. We have sun, of course. But we don't get the amount of UVB rays from the sun that we need to give our body the much needed Vitamin D. Supposedly 80% of the people who live in our town are deficient in Vitamin D. I'm going to start out daily for five minutes & eventually work down to once a week. Maybe for the duration of our time here in the Midwest. Who knows. We'll see.

And I'll continue poisoning myself with my 105,000iu of pill form of Vitamin D.

This time in two weeks I'll have answers. She did blood work for everything in the book. Things that have never been done & things that are done every. single. time. I go to the Dr. with these symptoms (i.e. thyroid). My Thyroid has been tested more times in the last 15 years than I can count on two hands & two feet.

So there's my update! I ask for prayers that things are figured out & that I gain some sort of quality of life back. Right now I am able to sleep, go to work, dress myself, do my bathroom duties (<--haa), do about 2% of housework, & go back to sleep. And in there somewhere I push myself to work out. Life is NOT good right now. There is no quality of life. My house is a disaster, I'm unorganized, I lack interest in everything not due to depression but due to fatigue. And I'm tired, OH SO stinking tired of feeling this way. But I don't complain in real life. Who wants to hear that all the time? I can't stand it when people talk about their health issues ALL of the time! So here, I ask for prayers if you've made it this far & are still reading this saga. Please & thank you.

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Blessings!

I've ALIVE & present to you... Mr. Frog.

2012-02-07T15:12:00.001-06:00

Hello there! I made it through the night. Were you worried? For some reason my Blogger app has saved all of my recent posts as drafts. Which means they DID NOT post! So they all posted today. Rather odd. I don't like the app at all & rarely use it, but I've been relying on my phone more than my computer, so I was trying it out. It doesn't allow you a lot of the options that the actual website does. But whatever. I think everything is fixed now :) (meaning I'll be using my little netbook instead!) Most of you know the Midwest was blanketed in snow this past weekend. Here are a few lovely shots from yesterday!

I made it through the night A-ok. I woke up to a heart rate in the 70's. At times today it has traveled as high as 142. And that's when I went to the bathroom & went up/down stairs. I'm drinking Gatorade b/c someone said I may have gotten very dehydrated (equivalent of heatstroke) during Zumba last night. (I was sweating like I've never sweat before in my life) But I'm also drinking water. I was poking around on the Internet a bit ago & discovered that a LOT of people have a very rapid heartbeat while simply walking around the house if their Vitamin D is low. So that's something to talk to the Dr. about tomorrow. I just hope she's willing to listen & we can get this all under control. I also found out that if your Vitamin B-12 is low, it affects your absorption of Vitamin D! Go figure. See, I'm still learning. Been struggling with this since 1998, but I still learn something new every week.

As for today's photo challenge, the prompt is buttons. This here is Mr. Frog. He's been in our family since 2003. My husband (then boyfriend) & I moved in together & I had an awesome Mr. Frog. My husband was away for class for two weeks and while he was gone, I bought him his own Mr. Frog. When he returned, our Mr. Frogs were sitting together on our new bed in our new condo. Years later he became my Mr. Frog as I stole him to prop my painful joints up at night. Ahh, the beauties of marriage. What's yours is mine & what's mine is mine. Right? ;) Through the years, ~~I gouged Mr. Frog's eyes out~~ Mr. Frog's eyes fell out & I sewed on buttons! As you can see... poor guy.... only one button left. Damn, I'm a pesky 'picker'. Let's not get started on a peeling sunburn.......

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

A heart {aching} mess

2012-02-06T13:09:00.000-06:00

Today was pretty intense. Some of you know that I live with a chronic disease (autoimmune) called Scleroderma. Within that whole aspect of me, there are things that they're never able to explain. For years I've struggled with several vitamin deficiencies, extreme EXTREME daily fatigue, among other things. I found out last week that my Vitamin D is low. Again. And I'm exhausted. Again.

What's different is that this time around I'm working out. I'm pushing through the fatigue and forcing myself to do what I need to do.

I'm still waiting on my Iron level to come back. My Vitamin D is low, as is my Vitamin B-12. I have a Dr.'s appointment this coming Wednesday where I was going to talk about my reflux & finally getting my medicine changed after YEARS of being on Nexium (which doesn't work for me anymore), but at this point, Wednesday's appointment is going to focus on the Vitamin issue.

See... I take 9,000iu-15,000iu of Vitamin D a day. And I take 2,000-4,000mcg of Vitamin B-12 a day. For months. For years I've taken supplements, I can't go without them. But since August when I had my last labs & felt that although the numbers were 'okay', I should bump up the daily supplements. And I did. So here I am taking 9-15k iu of Vitamin D a day since August & in that same amount of time my level has gone DOWN 30 points. Yes. 30 points. My Vitamin B-12 has gone down 300 points.

Something is WRONG.

But they don't want to do anything about it. And that is so very frustrating. More frustrating than I have the emotional energy to deal with.

Regardless, back to the point... I get a rapid heartbeat when something is low. So rarely is only one of them low that through the years I have not been able to figure out which one it is. The medical world says it should be the Iron, but sometimes when my Iron is just fine... I get a rapid heartbeat upon rising & any exertion. But I've had numerous EKG's, heart ultrasounds ("you have the heart of a teenager"), and even the stress test w/ 24 hour Holter Monitor & everything is always "fine."

Since I've been working out and trying to learn to run, participating in Zumba, etc. I've been using a HRM:

Tonight, I went to Zumba & within minutes I knew something was 'wrong'. I've never felt my heart beat as rapidly as it did within the first song. By the second song I was pouring sweat (& I have a hard time sweating). By the fourth (or so) song, I was so winded (for lack of a better word), that I honestly (for the first time ever) thought about stopping. But you know how it is if your self-esteem has ever been affected by your weight. Here's all these other girls in the class who are so fit & healthy & here I am - the fatso. I'd love to think all the 'Pinterest-y' thoughts that people just love the fact that I'm THERE, but let's be real. Women judge one another. This was my 3rd Zumba class & in the first two I heard nasty comments from some girls about other ladies in the class. Even when someone went to the bathroom - one girl was like "loser, why'd she even come?" - I wonder how she felt when she came BACK from the bathroom? Eh, probably didn't phase her b/c that type of personality doesn't care. She'd made her snide comment, she wasn't going to dare go back on it.

So I pushed through. And the entire class I knew something was just not right. My heart rate was in the 190's for most of the class, 180's when we slowed down. Once when I HAD to stop longer than normal for water, it dropped to 164. By the time I cooled down at the end of class (which I thoroughly do), it was still in the 150's. AFTER COOL DOWN. As soon as I stopped cool down, this intense sharp headache burst through my entire head. By the time I got home it was still in the 130's. And at bed time it is as high as 113, low as 92. My pupils are constricted. The only thing we could find online about that was that I'm either a crackhead or suffering from feline hypertension. My chest feels heavy. And the headache is still there. I took a semi-cool shower & my HR was still sitting around 103-111. As I lay here in bed taking breaks every few moments of typing, it dips into the 80's & once even hit 74. The second I move, roll around or sit up? Back up into the high 90's &/or low 100's. I told my husband to check on me a few times tonight to make sure I'm still alive. I have no clue what's going on, but you'd better believe it's now part of the Vitamin talk on Wednesday. I hope she knows what she's getting herself into. There's now about 4 things on the list! Luckily I'm in Internal Medicine & not Family Practice (where they're allotted 15 minutes with you) & I can spend up to an hour or more with my Dr. Either that, or I tell them they need to make me three more subsequent appointments ASAP & they typically decide they'll do it all in one ;) I HATE HATE HATE the "one topic per visit" rule in Family Practice. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. And that's why they promptly sent me to Internal Med. Having a disease which affects so many various parts of you among other health issues - they realize no one appointment is ever solely dedicated to ONE subject. (honestly I don't know many 'normal' people like that either)

So anyway. I'll check in tomorrow & let you know if I lived through the night. All joking aside, I'm a little freaked out but refuse to go to the ER when I'm not showing signs of actually dying. Okay REALLY, all joking aside, we are taking it seriously & the hubs is truly going to check on me overnight to make sure I'm alive.

Photo of the day challenge? Prompt = dinner! I had very low calorie Chicken Fettuccine. It was delish.

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Photo Challenge, Super Bowl & boredom :)

2012-02-05T22:00:00.000-06:00

Of course The Chiller Challenge was canceled. The trails were ice & snow packed. But we did head out to where it was being held & picked up our t-shirts. They had chili, cookies & drinks, but since I'm really sticking to my Weight Watchers, I chose not to partake. We did pick up a few other items regarding the Omaha Running Club. I was a little {okay, a lot} bummed that it was canceled, but I'm going to participate in the Valentine's Day 5k on our base this upcoming week. I'm actually going to do it twice. On Wednesday, because I want to & on Saturday because we get huge points for The Biggest Loser competition.

So today we lounged around most of the day. I think I took two naps. The Super Bowl really didn't interest us... as our Saints weren't playing. But we watched, regardless. I did end up going to bed early, not worried about the score. The entertainment was good for the most part. I'm ready to start the week on a good note tomorrow. It's been a weekend full of way too much food! :o)

Today's photo challenge prompt was 10:am. I actually woke up well before 10am and was taking some outside pictures at the time. This is our backyard facing our neighbors. I love these trees covered in snow!

Photo Challenge Day 4, a snow storm & a birthday!

2012-02-04T22:00:00.000-06:00

SNOW DAY!!! It is so beautiful. I woke up to a Winter Wonderland. This is about 6am. I truly meant I was like a kid on Christmas who couldn't sleep because Santa was coming! It's absolutely breathtaking outside & it's supposed to do nothing but continue to SNOW all day! Oh, how lovely. How wonderful. How exciting!

We were able to get out & go SLEDDING. We also had a snowball fight, made snow chairs, and made a snowman. It was a glorious day!

Today's PHOTO CHALLENGE prompt is: a stranger. Since I did not think I was going to actually leave the house today, I took my photo early. Here is my stranger:

Then... today was my dad's 66th Birthday! They are currently in Biloxi, MS.

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Photo Challenge Day 3: Beautiful Hands

2012-02-03T19:05:00.000-06:00

It. is. FRIDAY! This means tomorrow I will wake up to SNOW! This Sunday is my first run (2 miles) called The Chiller Challenge (weather permitting of course, but it is called The Chiller for a reason) :) I'm like a kid in a candy store waiting on this snow storm. We've only had snow twice this season (since November). It's been the weirdest winter in all the land! Anyway, this afternoon I worked like a normal Friday & the prompt for today's photo challenge was hands. There is a black & white that hangs in the hallway of my office. It is my boss' grandparents hands. I've always loved the photo & what better way to capture the true essence of love, life, age, frailty, and pure beauty than the hands of your elderly family members. There's just something about it.

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Photo Challenge Day 2: Walk With the Lord

2012-02-02T11:10:00.000-06:00

I am absolutely {not so patiently} awaiting our snow storm! Today is an ordinary Thursday. The photo prompt for today is words.

This is my favorite sign that hangs in our bedroom. A simple daily reminder...

To join in the February Photo Challenge, click here.

To donate to the Nebraska Special Olympics, for which I'm jumping in frigid waters on February 18 (called the Polar Plunge), click here.

Top o' the month: February '12 & a photo challenge

2012-02-01T11:06:00.000-06:00

February. How did that happen already? This month doesn't hold too much for me. We've got our first big snow storm coming up this Saturday, I've got my first run on Sunday & on the 18th I'm participating in the Omaha Polar Plunge in support of the Nebraska Special Olympics. Feel free to donate if you have a spare dollar or two. They can certainly use the funds. This month I'm also participating in a photo challenge through the amazing Fat Mum Slim. Her name is Chantelle & she's an Australian blogger. She's pretty amazing, so check her out if you haven't already!

Here are the daily photo challenge guidelines for lack of a better word :)

And here is my view for today... I relaxed this morning, lounging around in bed before getting up for the day. I raised the blinds & was blessed with sunshine! We don't have too many days around here that aren't cloudy, so it's a nice treat when we do :)

Blessings!

Upcoming Events

2012-01-21T22:59:00.001-06:00

Revolution Check In

2012-01-21T22:39:00.001-06:00

Hello! I just want to give an update on my REVOLUTION.

I drink water everyday; at least 32 ounces (no less). I typically drink an average of 60 ounces. This was goal #2 for the year.

I've been on Weight Watchers solidly for almost 2 weeks now & in my first week I lost 5lbs. This week there has been ZERO loss on the scale, but I'm retaining fluids like crazy & bloating (you know why if you're female). BUT my work clothes fit better yesterday than they did on Wednesday. On Wednesday they fit about the same as last week. I am hopeful things will be back to normal in a few days ;)

I started walking regularly & jogging. I would love to say running, but I look like the kid in P.E. class that just couldn't quite get it. Yet.

I have several events planned because at this point in my life I am someone who won't do something without motivation. Some people may say "you're pushing yourself too hard," but I have friends & acquaintances who are standing by me & are certain I can do this if I simply TRY.

I am REALLY excited about this. Running is awesome. I just never took the opportunity to realize it. I've been a couch potato for oh... about 33 years now. How old am I? Thirty-three. Just sayin'. It's bad. I was 'fit' one time in my life & that was when I rollerbladed every single afternoon for an entire summer over our entire University campus. I had abs! I was thin! I was toned! Oooh it was nice. I was 18/19 years old. I'm now 33. But I believe in myself.

I'm doing it. And I'm losing weight & inches. And hopefully toning. I'm about to post my schedule of events with Tickers so I can always know how far away something is, but I've also got to get to bed because my husband and I are going for a 3 mile walk/jog tomorrow. It's been so cold I've been cooped up with the treadmill & I've got to get these feet on some real ground! It's supposed to hit 30 degrees tomorrow... so we'll see :) If all else fails, we'll be on the indoor track at the gym.

Edit, Saturday night: I lied. It's supposed to rain (freezing rain) & possibly snow tomorrow :/ Indoor track it is!

Edit, Wednesday: I lied again. We didn't go. Well, he did. But I was severely sick & ended up in the Dr. office on Monday with a serious sinus infection. Not the normal everyday sinus infection, but one where I had things in my maxillary sinus cavities that really WERE about to burst (I joked on Sunday saying my head was going to explode). I'm not even allowed to make any minimal altitude changes right now. It's pretty crazy.

Quench Your Thirst!

2012-01-03T19:40:00.002-06:00

I REALLY need to drink more water! I drink diet soda like it's going out of style & that's something that I'm aiming to change this year! I tried giving up Diet Coke for Lent last year & it didn't happen. How sad is that?

My second goal for the 2012 is to drink no less than one bottle of water a day. Remember, I said baby steps. I will work up to my 32 ounces or whatever I'm supposed to have. But I'm starting slow. It's good that my boss stocks the fridge with water at work. I enjoy drinking it while there, I just need to learn to drink it at home and on the go. One of my ULTIMATE goals is to eliminate aspartame from my diet, but that's part of the BIG PICTURE & will take time & lots.... LOTS of effort.

Do you see the pretty little crystals in the water? I love a good bottle of frozen water! :)

Clean Slate

2012-01-02T19:30:00.000-06:00

A new week. A new month. A new year. There's just something about that {all combined} that makes you feel as if you've got a clean slate sitting in front of you. I have a lot of plans for 2012, but I'm going to take it all in stride & many many baby steps. There are things that have to change. I have no choice but for them to change. I'm going to make mini-goals that will help me achieve my ultimate goals. And I'll share my baby steps here, my mini-goals. I'm really REALLY excited about what this year has in store for me. And I can NOT wait until December 31st to reflect back on the biggest year of my life.

My first goal was achieved: put the Christmas decor away, take down the tree, etc. I got it all done in one day! I was thrilled.

My second goal is to start each day with a glass/bottle of water. Before my coffee, juice, or diet soda. I learned that you're supposed to drink a full glass of water before you drink anything else & that it will help you feel better almost immediately. I often times wake up with a headache and ALWAYS wake up feeling groggy. So I hope this will help clear out the cobwebs first thing in the morning!

Best wishes on your goals & achievements this year!

2011 in Photos

2012-01-01T22:06:00.003-06:00

2011 In Review

2010/2011 marked our first winter in the Midwest & January did not disappoint in the snow department! VERY unlike this January with our mild temps and not a drop of snow.

We started out the year pet-sitting for our friends & I fell in love with Witten

We had a good snowfall & were able to go driving around that afternoon and snap some lovely pictures:

I tried my hand at jet black hair:

In early February, we traveled to Lincoln, NE for the first time & ate at a {glorified} Cajun restaurant called Buzzard Billy's. We explored the Haymarket & eventually made our way back home.

In late February, I was flown back to our previous base in Biloxi, MS as a witness in a court martial. It was absolutely beautiful down there & a nice week-long respite from the cold & snow!

In March, we traveled home to northwest Louisiana for the first time. It was fun seeing parts of Missouri and Arkansas that we've never seen.

In April, we started getting out of the house again & playing tourist in Omaha. We walked the Pedestrian Bridge for the first time.

In May, a few events were significant. I saw my first 3-D movie EVER! (Thor)

Got my hair chopped off & highlighted & LOVED IT!!!

Experienced my 1st REAL Midwest hail storm

And celebrated my dear husband's 36th birthday

In June, we celebrated our 7th Wedding Anniversary. We celebrated both early & late, but didn't do anything that day. June held the annual Scleroderma walk that we participated in with friends.

And we spent a week in the Rocky Mountains with my parents, who met us there.

In July, we again played tourist in our own area by taking a day-trip drive on Independence Day. We just opened up the map & made a huge square. We had a lovely day! And I had so much fun taking pictures.

I had an amazing 33rd Birthday. My husband always knows just how to make my birthday's extra special and this year was no exception.

August was essentially devoted to work. It's our busiest month & we had a few events. One event in particular was exciting. My husband came out to the county fair on the last night. We were going to ride a couple rides, eat some food, etc. But were surprised by a freak storm. The power went out, they made us huddle in buildings. It sounded as if a tornado were coming through, but it was just incredibly high winds.

In the Fall, we focused on enjoying life. Taking in the sunsets, fire pit fires in the backyard, smores, spending time together, etc...

My husband had ankle surgery & spent a few weeks on crutches

Then it got COLD

And we had our first snow!

We took our 2nd trip of the year to Louisiana, for Thanksgiving.

Took a little tour of where we got married almost 8 years ago

I fell in love with Louisiana all over again...

The two biggest events in November were the trip home, but also adopting a second dog! We added Abby to our family.

After we got home from our trip, it was more or less December! Time to decorate, time for the Christian Military Wives Winter Tea (an annual event here), Christmas parties, SNOW!, good food, crafts, and family time!

And that about wraps up 2011. We did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for New Year's Eve & the lovely part is that we are soooo okay with that! :)

wishing you all a

BEAUTIFUL

2012

Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T22:00:00.000-06:00

We spent our 2nd Christmas in our home this year. It was quiet & relaxing, what more could you ask for? Plenty of family? Kids excited for Santa? A large family dinner? Yes, there's plenty more we could ask for :) But we had a lovely day, regardless! We pray that on this day next year there will be a baby safely growing in my tummy! {okay, so I always cringe when people say their tummy, but whatevs, it's all relative}

There were little surprises throughout the day.... a little 'Santa' magic thrown in here & there.

{that was fun}

The dogs had a wonderful Christmas! And provided some absolutely adorable photo-ops....

The cats too!

Overall we had a wonderful, quiet, peaceful & reflective Christmas Day. We capped it off with a wonderful turkey dinner with all the trimmings & look forward to the new year!

Peace & Blessings to all!

Christmas Eve 2011

2011-12-24T23:00:00.000-06:00

There's something about Christmas Eve...

something that seems 'quiet' about it. Reserved. Introspective.

Maybe that's just Christmas Eve for me, in my life. I hope it is for you too. I do think it's a time to think about Christ & what it all truly boils down to. I love going to a candlelight service. Things seem to move at a slower pace. The stores begin closing that evening, lights twinkle in every direction. More people are at home or church. It can be a very beautiful night if you fully embrace it. I absolutely LOVE Christmas Eve. I know that in the huge, grand scheme of things, we celebrate Christ's birth not necessarily when it truly happened. I also understand that as Christians, we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ on the 25th of December. But there's something about the 24th that's more beautiful. It seems the world (our world, as Christians) all have a common goal on that night. And it's all about Jesus Christ. {I'd really like to believe that, but I know for many it's all about Santa}

Regardless, for this girl... Christmas Eve is the most magical night of the year!

Christmas 2011: Advent Calendar

2011-12-06T10:16:00.000-06:00

I remember two Advent Calendars from my childhood. One was 1980's (or 70's) homemade & had a little round poem at the top. It had this long roll of green/red felt with ribbons attached for each day. Those little candy canes in the plastic wrappers were tied into each ribbon & as you counted down each day, you ate the candy cane. Maybe that's why I don't like candy canes anymore? Hmmm.... Something to think about ;)

The second is the one pictured. I don't know when my mom bought it, but I've actually seen it on more than one occasion on TV - on shows & in movies. It has a mouse that moves from day to day as you count down the days to Christmas.

Both of these were from my childhood & thus the absolute total excitement behind them was SANTA CLAUS is coming to town!! Being that we don't have our own children yet & our focus became Christ instead of Santa a few years ago, we've traditionally bought one of the cardboard ones that tells the story of baby Jesus. It usually hangs on the fridge & we open the little door each day to read that day's scripture.

But this year I thought it would be fun to pull out this old one from childhood. I also thought it would be fun to create some events for most of the days & tuck them in the pockets. As the day arrives, we'll pull them out & see what activity that day holds in store for us!

Can't wait to participate in our family activities!

Blessings!

Homemade Christmas Gift Exchange

2011-12-05T10:17:00.005-06:00

Have you heard of Craftaholics Anonymous? It's a fantastic blog/website devoted to all things CRAFTS! The Facebook page is pretty amazing in itself. It's run by Linda, who identifies herself as a hopeless craft addict. Sounds familiar ;) But what's pretty amazing is that twice a year she HOSTS a nationwide Homemade Craft Exchange.

This winter was my first time participating. I had all intentions of making some homemade ornaments I'm making, but our Thanksgiving trip from Nebraska to Louisiana kind of threw a kink in my plans. I will share the ornaments later because they are so darn cute :) So instead I made something I know I'm relatively good at & that most people enjoy. While home for Thanksgiving, I made my mother-in-law one as well!

A long time ago I saw these online & even linked back to where I'd originally seen them. It may very well have been Crafts by Amanda, but I truly am not sure. It was on my old craft blog. And I see them everywhere now. But check out Crafts by Amanda regardless, because she's pretty awesome herself!

My partner that I was matched up with is Kelly from Arizona. And I really hope she likes it!

And here.... is what I received:

A foam Santa ornament, a foam Snowman & a little Gingerbread guy.

Want to check out some phenomenal homemade crafts? See the linky party for the Homemade Gift Exchange here.

Blessings!

Crystal

Christmas 2011: And The Stockings Were Hung...

2011-12-04T10:51:00.000-06:00

Last year I got a Cricut for Christmas & I started a few projects that I never finished. Well, I can't say that anymore, because honey... I finished one! Last year I got this far:

And then I took a poll on my FB page asking what color the knobs should be.

A few months later it all was packed away...

Until last week! I finished it! {that's no small feat}

{I apologize for this lazy habit I've developed for only taking cell phone pictures}

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Fourteen

2011-11-14T22:50:00.001-06:00

Sidekicks

Today I am thankful for a kind & loving husband who is always willing to be my sidekick. I may not always make the wisest decision, especially at the best time, but it's because I am a 'helper' by nature. Tonight & tomorrow night we're dog sitting (if you could call it that). We're sitting for a dog who is in transition. Just one of many in her short five years on this Earth. If people would only take care of their own animals, spay & neuter... oh how this world could be so different. This poor baby is here from a rescue in Mississippi. We picked her up from her foster daddy this evening & her forever mom will pick her up on Wednesday.

Not only do I have TONS to accomplish this week, but we're going out of town soon. Like I said, I don't always make the best decisions at the right time.

But regardless, I'm blessed to have a partner-in-crime. A dude who, no matter what, is by my side asking "what did you get us into?"

So here's to you Mr. Weatherman! Here's to you.

{love ya!}

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Thirteen

2011-11-13T23:51:00.003-06:00

Health

Today I am grateful for my own health. There are so many around me who have such deeper issues or are standing both weak & strong in the shadows of fatal illnesses. I'm fortunate that I do not have a fatal disease, but rather something I have learned to live with for a long time. And I'm thankful that no matter how it affects my life currently, I've learned over the last twenty years that it will never last. It will never be the same. Something bad happens? There will be a day that it improves. It's the nature of the beast. This year marks twenty-two years diagnosed with Limited Scleroderma. A disease that plagues my skin, my muscles, my immune system (without question, although 'technically' this is still debatable in the medical world), my GI system & the list (for me) goes on & on.... But we've learned these past two years that although there may be periods of extreme fatigue where I feel as if I can do absolutely NOTHING but sleep, eat, potty, shower, dress, work, & start the cycle over.... those periods DO end. Used to (decades ago) those periods may have been hours or a few days. Now they are weeks and even months. But we now know, they do end. Things do improve. And for that, I'm truly blessed. Not everyone has that luxury.

Giving Thanks: Day Twelve

2011-11-12T23:45:00.001-06:00

Happiness

Today I am thankful for the ability - financially, emotionally, environmentally - to be able to add one of God's most unique creatures to our family. We never had a dog until 2010. Our first dog is Charley. Neither of us had ever lived with a dog - meaning we'd never had one live indoors, had to train one, etc. The Weatherman is from the country - where dogs roam free. I have photos of myself with dogs & puppies when I was a toddler, but other than that, we never owned a canine pet. In 2010, our lives changed forever. There is something a dog bring to your life that nothing else can. Sure, cats and babies bring their own qualities to your life and family. But dogs.... dogs are unique. Dogs are special. I know that when God created our canine friends, he put a special little touch in there. They are, after all, man's best friend. We have seen that first hand over the last year and a half with the addition of Charley to our home. And now we begin the journey with Abigail McGee. Abby for short, we're not that crazy about NCIS. *smile*

Giving Thanks: Day Eleven

2011-11-11T11:11:00.001-06:00

Today {and every day} I am thankful &

blessed more than words will ever be capable of expressing.

I am thankful for all who have served the

United States of America in any capacity.

I am thankful for the people who make a choice

to stand up tall for this country.

I am thankful for the people who sacrifice so much to

fight wars that sometimes make no sense.

I am thankful for every. single. Veteran.

I am thankful.

I am blessed.

I am honored.

I AM an American

and I thank YOU all.

11-11-11

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Ten

2011-11-10T21:53:00.003-06:00

Today. The day before Veteran's Day 2011. I am thankful for the beauty of 21st century communications. Without someone filming this incredible speech, uploading it to a world-changing website, and many someones sharing said video, my husband & I never would have had the honor to see General Welsh speak. An incredible fifty minute video, if you choose.

I'm blessed to own a computer. I'm blessed to have internet access. I'm truly blessed to live in a country in which I can choose to watch whatever I want, when I want. I'm honored to be an American. I'm thankful for having been born here. I'm thankful for what I'm offered by my country. And I'm thankful for the simple things, like a video, in my own home, taken from afar... but holding within it so much power. Power to change. Power to affect. Power to move.

Take some time & watch it. Be moved. We were!

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Nine

2011-11-09T22:35:00.000-06:00

Love

Today I'm thankful for having found the person who completes my life. The other half of my unfinished circle. The person who walks beside me, not behind or in front. The person who drops little surprises like this into my normal daily life :) I love him with all my heart! We had quite the winding road that led to 'us' and we both know the our phenomenal Lord played a major role in that! I hope you have someone in your life that you know without a doubt loves you unconditionally. I also hope you have someone in your life that you know He put there just for you!

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Eight

2011-11-08T22:34:00.000-06:00

Learning

Today I'm thankful for the ability to learn new things. I tried self-teaching. I tried You Tube. I tried the book. I tried to get my husband to do it & show me.... nothing worked! Until tonight. I took dinner to a friend who had surgery & she crochets. And then another friend came by to help her out for the evening & she crochets! The taught me how to get the slip knot & the first chain started... I just couldn't do it on my own. I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I'm in my 30's or is because my hands don't want to work the right way... but I almost gave up before I even got started.

I can't wait to learn more! I'm taking a class on Tuesday evening next week. I'm looking forward to my first coaster. Then my first pot holder. THEN my first scarf ;) Yay! Hooray!

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Seven

2011-11-07T22:05:00.000-06:00

The LordToday I am thankful for always knowing that the Lord is at work in my life. I'm honored to know that it's the little things that He has his hand in that let me know He is always there...
This is from an activity on Saturday night with a women's group I'm a part of. I wasn't even thinking when I grabbed my piece of newspaper & began drawing. As soon as I began to cut, I realized I was cutting up the TV guide. When I went to sit down & write my words on my person {things that keep me from focusing on my walk with Him}, I flipped it over and it was a Hobby Lobby ad! Two of the things that take up my 'free' time - crafts & television.
That my friend, was no simple coincidence. He knew exactly what He was doing... and that makes me smile.

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Six

2011-11-06T21:41:00.000-06:00

Thrifting

Today I am thankful for being thrifty. I am blessed that it is something I enjoy. I'm thrilled that it's something I can use as a skill to decorate my house. I know my husband loves it too (we go together) & it's something we enjoy doing together on a slow weekend afternoon. I am glad that I don't have expensive taste & the the little things in life make me squeal with delight :)

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Five

2011-11-05T21:32:00.000-05:00

A House. A Home.

Today I am thankful for my home. A place that my husband and I own. Concrete, wood, and siding - but everything in between is a creation. I am blessed to have dishes to wash, for it meant I had a meal. I'm blessed to have piles of laundry, for it means I can afford to clothe myself. I'm unashamed for my house to look lived in or in mid-redesign, redecorating, etc. because it means I enjoy my life and my home. I'm not afraid for a football game to blast too loudly, for it means together we are home and can relax. It means we have time to fill our home with laughter, happiness, and even the occasional shouting - because we ARE home... we're not working three or more jobs to make ends meet. I'm blessed beyond measure and I wish that everyday I would remember that.

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Four

2011-11-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

FriendsToday I am thankful for friends who have one another's backs. Not fake friends. Not Facebook friends. Not virtual friends. But real, true, live friends who will stand up for you in the face of adversity {or another chick} ;) and fight for you. Tonight I went to the movies for GNO with a group of six ladies. One had to bring her daughter (infant) who is breastfeeding. I know there are many opinions on this, but this is not the place nor time. I myself have my opinions on this. But that's not what this is or was about. It's about standing up for your friends when they get knocked down. The baby never {and I do mean NEVER} once cried during the movie. I've been to PLENTY of movies in my lifetime with crying babies, but I never acted like the person in our movie.
The baby merely cooed on several occasions, especially while feeding. The young girl sitting in front of my friend stood up half way through the movie, turned around & proceeded to create an all-out scene. Then an older lady to the left (not even with the young gal) left the theater in an evident 'huff' & went to tell an employee about the 'disruptive baby'. Not the scene. The baby. People in the entire theater missed more of the movie from the young gal's scene than from the baby throughout the entire {over} 2 hour movie. The friend sitting between me & the friend with the baby stood up for our friend, who was in tears by this point. Her first night out in over two years by the way. Anyway, it was a drawn out process with the employees of the theater asking if the baby was crying. When they were told that she had not once cried, merely cooed, they said "um, it's a baby." They sent employees in throughout the rest of the movie to stand at the end {like they do when a bunch of unruly teens are in the theater}, and point proven - no crying, no disruption. EVER.
I was proud to be a part of a group of friends (all from the Christian military wives group) who stand up & beside one another.

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Three

2011-11-03T21:01:00.001-05:00

Truth

Today I am thankful for simple truths that make a huge impact in our lives. One week ago today I underwent allergy testing for the first time in my life. Since the late 1980's I've struggled with chronic sinusitis. I never had allergies or allergic symptoms until the last couple of years. Around 2004 or so, I was prescribed Zyrtec & in 2007 they added Singulair to the mix. I took them both daily on/off for years. But I still had allergic symptoms - watery eyes, itchy eyes, runny nose, headache, sinus pain & pressure, headaches so bad I couldn't even get out of bed, nausea, mucus... you name it, I had it. For years I've also used over the counter meds for allergies and sinus to alleviate the daily symptoms that my Zyrtec & Singulair wouldn't touch. Things have been getting worse since living in Nebraska & everyone jokes that when you move here, if you have allergies - prepare for the worst. I even bought the local honey to give it a try. Next on my list was the bee pollen.

So I went into the Dr. two Thursday's ago & she offered me allergy testing. Hallelujah! It would make my day to finally know what I'm truly allergic to. Dog- check. Cat- check. Carpet fibers- check. Dust mites- check. My list went on & on.

I was scheduled for allergy testing the very next Thursday, which meant the day I saw her I had to stop taking everything. EVERYTHING people! Do you know I couldn't even take my sleep aid because it's only Benadryl disguised in a lovely little blue pill as "sleep aid" by Equate. {I already knew this, but was frustrated when I realized I had to take Melatonin the entire week}

Out went the Zyrtec. Out went the Singulair. Out went all. of. the. supplemental. over-the-counter. pills. OUT. Out went the sleep aid.

I went in for allergy testing, so excited & hopeful. "I'm finally going to find out what's been plaguing me!"

Fantastic Dr., amazing experience at the base allergy clinic. Lots of questions, learned a lot.

Guess what?

No allergies.

None.

Zip.

Nada.

Zippo.

ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

"You have non-allergic rhinitis," he tells me.

"Uh... ok?" {me}

"Do your symptoms act up when you're around cigarette smoke? Or the guy at the office who wears too much cologne? Or rancid smells in the air?" {Doc}

"Um, yeah. Horribly. Everyone teases me that my nose is too sensitive" {me}

Long story short... here I am two weeks after discontinuing all my allergy/sinus meds & I feel like a million bucks. I'm only using the prescribed Flonase at night & another one during the day if needed & so far I haven't needed it.

I sleep well. I fall asleep easily. I wake up & can get out of bed without wanting to lay there all day. I have more energy than I've had in years. I'm clear headed. I can focus on things. I'm not blowing my nose & going through entire boxes of tissues. My eyes haven't watered yet.

{enter the person who tells me it's all in my head} :)

But seriously. I want to know how many MILLIONS of American's systems are being poisoned by all of these medications that they pump us full of & then they stop working so we supplement with all these dozens of over-the-counter meds. I honest-to-God feel as if my body detoxed from something {them}.

I deal with chronic (we're talking CHRONIC) fatigue due to Scleroderma & vitamin issues. When I say I feel like a million bucks, honey, you'd better believe it.

So today my friends {and strangers}, I'm EXTREMELY thankful for TRUTH & what it can bring to our lives.

FYI - since this, my husband experimented with himself & has had the SAME results. Un-freaking-believable. The Flonase is doing its job (and I was soooo anti-Flonase since 2004 [the USAF loves to prescribe it] that I'd never given it a fair shot) & we both feel awesome.

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day Two

2011-11-02T21:18:00.000-05:00

On this second day of acknowledging what I'm thankful for, I'd like to tell you about a local group of women that I am a part of. It's called One Hope. It is a group of/for Christian Military Wives here in the Omaha area. We get together once a week for various studies throughout the year. In the summer we tend to meet in one another's homes. We have monthly dinners in which the entire family is invited. We are blessed with childcare for our various events. And once a year we have a Winter Tea (this photo is from last year's tea).
It's truly a blessing to have a group of women in which you have commonalities. Right now we're studying the book Faith Deployed by Jocelyn Green.
But most of all, beyond all else, I enjoy my small group for the fellowship. It brings me happiness & I didn't go regularly until recently. I realize what I've missed out on for over a year now. I'm not a 'big' group person & we just started small groups this September. I'm blessed with my small group & love every moment with them on Wednesday nights. I hope you have a group of women with whom you feel safe, welcome, and loved!

I truly appreciate the comments on Day One. I am working at returning e-mails tonight :)

Blessings!

Giving Thanks: Day One

2011-11-01T19:51:00.001-05:00

Every year I somehow document something I am thankful for each day of November. I actually attempt to do this all 365 days of the year & keep various little Gratitude Journals, but November is special. It's the time of year that we all start ignoring the things that should mean the most in life & giving credit to the things that we shouldn't. Especially as we get closer to Thanksgiving & the end of the month. Tonight I poked around & found a link party that I can link this up to & that's awesome. Because the more people that can be reached by seeing how simple it is to give thanks to the meaningful & important things in our life, the better! I personally have friends who never, ever acknowledge the things in their life that are special; the things that mean the most.
I'm linking up to the 'Giving Thanks Challenge' at South Breeze Farm. Be sure to check it out & check out all the participants as well.

Giving Thanks. Day 1:

Today, I am thankful for my own laundry facilities. I remember the days of carrying my laundry to the laundromat, driving it there, having to find coins, lug all your stuff around & then BACK home to fold it & put it away. I can't say that the end result has changed much through the years - the clean clothes still sit in baskets, but at least the entire process is easier. We are blessed to have our own dryer & washing machine. We are blessed to have ones in working order. We are blessed to be able to afford laundry detergent ("the good kind"), Downy, and dryer sheets. Not everyone can do so. And there have been many times in our marriage that we had to buy the 'cheap stuff'. We couldn't afford anything name brand. We couldn't afford to have nice smelling clothes, towels, and sheets because we were close to broke. I was reminded recently that there are people in our age group who don't have the luxury of their own laundry facilities.

That said, it is what I give thanks for today. I'm on my 4th load of the day & it's only 8pm.... about 14 more to go, but they'll not all happen tonight ;)

Blessings!

22 Things I've Never Done

2011-10-20T22:24:00.002-05:00

1. Watched Nightmare on Elm Street.

2. Eaten sushi.

3. Watched Friday the 13th.

4. Been to Vegas.

5. Flown longer than 2 hours in an airplane.

6. Played Basketball.

7. Been pregnant.

8. Gone 72 hour without caffeine/carbonated beverage.

9. Not fallen asleep while in a moving vehicle for more than 1 hour.

10. Had a tattoo.

11. Traveled past the Atlantic Ocean.

12. Skinny dipped.

13. Comprehended the game Clue.

14. Kept nail polish on my nails for longer than 23 hours.

15. Kept a plant alive.

16. Been arrested.

17. Read or seen Harry Potter(s).

18. Used what I learned in Graduate level Statistics.

19. Learned a foreign language.

20. Gone to the movies alone.

21. Ran. You know. Like really RAN.

22. Not owned a cat.

Blessings!

Moving Mountains

2011-10-19T20:47:00.000-05:00

Indeed, we live in troubled & difficult times. As Christians, we're tested every. single. day. Lord knows I am (He really does!). As what I consider a 'novice' Christian, I always have questions. Always.

But even during the darkest times, the times when we think there is nothing else that could go wrong, be wrong, or hurt us... God is there to protect us. He is there to protect us today, tomorrow, and always. For eternity. If you allow yourself to think about that word, the magnitude of it... it can be a little overwhelming. But that is what our faith is all about. It's about the unfathomable. It's about the things we can't see. It's about believing in something so much bigger than ourselves. It's about understanding that God has a plan for us, even if we can't comprehend what plan that may be.

As I read a daily devotional my husband bought me many years ago, this is the scripture for day one. It asks if I am a woman of faith. It asks if I'm the kind of woman who embraces God's love even when I can't understand His plan. Am I? Do I? It asks if I've allowed God's only begotten Son to reign over my heart and life. And then it simply reminds me that the Creator of the universe stands ready, willing, and able to solve EVERY. SINGLE. one of my problems.... wow. Maybe I can rest a little easier tonight? I kid, but seriously, it's something that you must truly believe and remind yourself of every day. And then, only then can it start to seep into every aspect of your life & turn into active belief. It not so subtlety reminds me that my job in all of this is to let Him.... just let Him.

Beth Moore (one of my favorite ladies of all time) is quoted on this same page and it says:

"Faith in faith is pointless. Faith in a living, active God moves mountains"

Oh so true.

Blessings!

Re-emerging

2011-07-29T00:08:00.000-05:00

I've struggled with this blog. I love it. It's a peaceful place for me to come & share whatever in the world is going on, how I'm feeling, & pretty much anything else. And I know that there are people out there who understand. I have deleted this blog twice (if you've never deleted a blog on Blogger, they keep it around for awhile in case you change your mind). But I realize that I need to throw whatever anyone else thinks out the door & do this for myself. Because I'm important too :) So I will be working on creating a re-emergence here at In The Wings.... looking forward to it!

Blessings!

5-minute Friday

2011-07-28T23:51:00.000-05:00

today's 5-minute Friday at (in)Courage

Still. I wish I could convince my heart to be still these days. When I think of the word 'still' - I think of the meaning in which something is unmoving. relaxed. simple.

And lately my heart and soul are everything but still. The times come and go in all of our lives, I think, for the most part. I sometimes wonder, do I need medication to be still? Do I need peace to be still? Do I need more happiness to be still? Do I need more... God? That's usually it, that last one. I think that's usually it for most of us. At least most women that I know in my age group. There is something missing in our lives & typically it's a hole within our soul that makes us feel as if we're constantly searching.... never once are we still.

I go to bed anxious. I wake up anxious. I'm anxious for every moment in between. I'm off of my antidepressants, I know a vitamin or two is low, but I want to fill this void myself. I don't want to rely on things of the medical world (well, I will take care of my vitamins b/c I hate to feel rotten). But I don't want to rely on medication to feel at peace. To feel happy. To feel content. To feel still......

How about you? When you feel this way, how do you reconnect and find that quiet stillness that can only be found within ourselves, with much help from the Lord?

Blessings!

Today I participated in 5 minute Friday through (in)Courage. It's where you write on a prompt (today's prompt was 'still') for five whole minutes. I added this & the link afterwards :) Fun stuff.

Wives of Faith: Day Seven

2010-12-12T20:05:00.001-06:00

Well, today is the last day of the Wives of Faith Christmas blog carnival. I hope you've enjoyed reading this week's entries & maybe bounced around to the other participant's blogs. I can honestly say it has been refreshing to have a 'faith'ful prompt each day to help me get out of my blogging slump. I am so very nervous about this coming week's events in my life - things seem to change by the hour & as of right now I'm testifying for the case I was subpoenaed for, over the phone, tomorrow! I'm trying SO very hard to be faithful & rely on all the things that the knowledge and love of Christ brings to my life. But it can be very hard. Which is why I'm pleased to see today's question:

How does your faith refresh at Christmastime?

This actually is an area near and dear to my heart. I mentioned it in a blog post long ago & I'm unsure if I could find it, but I talked about how I feel closest to God in the winter and at Christmastime. I feel a deep connection during the winter months that seems to grow more and more distant as the days become lighter and the months move into summer. It is definitely something for me to work harder at - maintaining my spirituality and relationship with Christ throughout the year. But my heart seems to understand that there is something special about the darkness of Christmas. There's something that renews my faith as I sit in a dark room, lit only by winter scented Christmas candles, the carols and hymns play on the radio or an old scratchy record. There's something that brings me so SWELLINGLY close to God as I sit in a room only lit by the flickering lights of candles and steady, unyielding Christmas lights. I use the word SWELLINGLY not in the sense that Bobby Brady may have - "that's SWELL, Marsha!" - but in a sense of growth. Think of a balloon you're pushing the air into as it swells and swells to its fullest expanse.... that's what my heart and soul do at Christmastime. It's what my faith does. And I'm actually not quite sure why that is!? I know I tend to focus more on what is most important in the world, this time of the year. I also pray more often and with more of a deep heart's desire. I tend to join a Bible study in January of each year. Although for most of the world this time of the year is busy & hectic - for me things seem to slow down, to become more thoughtful, meaningful, and purposeful.

I do know that I come out on the other side (i.e. late December, the new year, etc) with a sense of renewal. A sense of refreshment. That sense lingers for several months before the long days give way to "gotta's & shoulda's" - the days are longer, I 'gotta' get this done, I 'shoulda' done this/that. And I slowly, very slowly lose sight of what's most important in life. By the time July runs around I'm in a full-fledged spiritual drought. And this is a scenario that plays itself out year after year. Well, since I became a truly practicing Christian.

So, I believe I answered how my faith refreshes - the sights, sounds, meaning, and glory of it all! But I think a more important question for me is "how to I maintain."

Thoughts to ponder & potentially tomorrow's blog post! =)

Blessings!

Wives of Faith: Day Six

2010-12-11T12:09:00.001-06:00

This blog carnival has been a true joy to be a part of. I've enjoyed reading what I've had time to read & today I'm sitting in my Christmas pj's, a dog covering my feet, snow swirling around outside the window which is framed by my beautiful Christmas tree. My plan today? Hop around the blog carnival's contributors, keep reading, and post some commentson my fellow military wives posts.

But, back to the carnival! Today's topic is quite interesting -

You might be a military spouse at Christmas if...

Now, I've already described how our military experience is so much different than those around me. I find it interesting that our speaker last night at our Military Wives Winter Tea made light of this. She said that when her husband was in the service in the mid-1980's, on the heels of the cold war, it was simply like "going to work" everyday. People weren't deployed, it's not something our service members had experienced in a long time. And then came the first Gulf War in the early 90's & slowly things began changing and we now have our current day military which is entirely different than you might have seen in 1985.

Usually, (work-wise) it is as if my husband simply goes to work. It's a job, it's his career. He goes in, does his shift, and comes home. And there have been times for us where this was pure bliss. But regardless of his job, being a part of the military is a lifestyle. A spouse posted on Facebook in the past few months as to how she doesn't look at their service as a lifestyle, but simply a job. I wondered, even with our simple military experience, how can you not!? You move around due to the job, you can only see certain medical practitioners due to the job, you don't necessarily get the holidays the rest of America (in the general) gets off, due to the job. You always have a pay check, due to the job. You have job stability, due to the job. You get to see (or at least he does) parts of the world you otherwise might not see, due to the job.

How is that not the definition of lifestyle? I didn't understand & really couldn't comprehend what she meant by their life in the military not being a lifestyle.

Which brings me to today's question. You might be a military spouse at Christmas, if:

1. You receive packages full of pre-wrapped gifts that you're not allowed to open until Christmas

2. You receive Christmas cards from friends all around the world

3. You mail out Christmas cards to many addresses with the letters APO in them

4. You celebrate when it's convenient & conducive to your family's schedule as a whole

5. You may leave your tree up until February when your husband returns from deployment

6. On the flipside, you may put your tree up and have 'Christmas' in October due to deployment or training

7. You must mail your packages in plenty of time for your OCONUS or sandbox friends & family

8. Your tree has more than 5 military, base, or post related ornaments

9. You bake cookies or other treats to provide to your spouse's troops who are having to work/deployed

10. You understand that nothing is until it is! (<--most important of all)

Blessings!

Wives of Faith: Day Five

2010-12-10T17:21:00.000-06:00

I really like today's topic! The question today is:

What does Christmas mean to you?

Wow! Well. I don't want to go with the obvious. I am a Christian & Christmas, as a Christian, is celebrated as the birth of Jesus Christ, our Savior. But right now, at this point in my life, Christmas means education. A few years ago I said, you know what, I'm tired of this (i.e. celebrating Christmas for the wrong reasons). As a rather new Christian (2001), who did not grow up in the church, was never taught ANYthing from the Bible (I do mean, NEVER), and honestly did not know one single fact about Christmas, I began to create change. I am determined for my family, my future children, to celebrate Christmas for the right reasons. But after I decided that (after I was married - actually just a few years ago) I realized I had to let go of a lot of what I thought Christmas was and begin an educational spiritual Christian journey. So each year, my husband and I are incorporating Advent Sundays into our lives. He had no idea what that was and to be quite honest, neither did I. I remember calling my mom and asking her about an Advent candle holder (because I just know we owned a tiny one at one point) & she had no idea what I meant. Can you imagine? But I'm not alone in this, and neither is my mom... there are (a Crystal word here) BAJILLIONS of people who have not one single factual idea as to what Christmas really is......

That saddens me. That truly, truly saddens me. And to know that I was one of those bajillion, who never would have begun learning if I had not decided to do so on my own. No one was going to teach me, as an adult.

Some things we've learned about & begun incorporating into our Christmas celebration:

Advent calendar

Advent candles & Sunday dinner with Advent prayer

The Three Magi

Reading the Bible, websites, blogs, studies, etc. in an attempt at comprehension each season

Celebrating the 12 days of Christmas after the American Christmas

All Kings Day, Epiphany

And that's all for now. We try to incorporate a new 'truth' each year. If you have any tips, please do share & if you have any facts or tips on the things we're already incorporating, please do share. I thought we were doing right in celebrating the 12 days of Christmas afterwards, but this year it seems the literature I'm reading shows most celebrate it before.

I can't wait to hear what Christmas means to you!! As for my Wives of Faith friends, if you're still reading, I do plan on coming around, reading, and commenting in the sharing of your posts. I've been very sick this week and just yesterday was contacted regarding being subpoenaed back to Mississippi due to a client I saw when I was working as a Counselor down there. It's been a VERY stressful two days to say the least, and was a stressful week before that with the bug, losing my voice, and planning tonight - our local Christian Military Wives group (a Sunday meeting with about 12 ladies) is hosting a free Christian Military Wives Winter Tea. And ladies, on the list are SEVENTY TWO ladies planning to attend. I'm hosting a table for this, I'll post pictures maybe tomorrow? I'm so truly blessed to be a part of such an amazing group whom the Lord is working through to touch so many military wives lives =)

Blessings!

Wives of Faith: Day Four

2010-12-09T11:07:00.000-06:00

My Grown Up Christmas List....

I love this song & love to hear it every year. I love to hear it numerous times every year on the 24/7 Christmas music station! Some of the most poignant words of the song are the following:

So here’s my lifelong wish

My grown-up Christmas list

Not for myself, but for a world in need

1. The ability for leaders of all nations to comprehend that we are simply human, and that we are ALL human. We have the same blood coursing through our veins, the same bones creating our foundation. We have the same hearts that beat, the brains that lead our every thought, word, and function.

2. For all individuals who have it within them to murder, to comprehend that again, we are all human. No one has the right or authority to take another human life out of greed, anger, hatred, or lust.

3. For my husband's mother to find the desire to travel outside of the safety net of her home. To see the joy the world has to offer her outside of her home town & the walls of her house. For him to be able to see her for every holiday. She's the only parent figure he has left. When she is gone, it's him & 3 sisters.

4. For people on the Internet, a huge part of millions of people's everyday lives, to realize the hatred they spew is doing no-one (not even themselves) any good & that feeling comfort in spewing such hatred while hiding behind a computer screen is not brave, nor is it powerful. In laymen's terms, can't we all just get along?

5. For all the abused and neglected children in the world, to feel the warmth in their hearts of love. To have someone, even just one person in their life wrap their arms around them & say "I love you."

6. For all the animals who were never meant to be left alone, neglected, or abandoned... to feel and be comfortable in giving their unconditional love they are famous for. To never go hungry for food or shiver under inadequate shelter.

7. For all the elderly individuals in the world to never experience longing for the happiness of a visitor, sadness, or loneliness, but to experience unconditional love from the family still in their lives, frequent visitor's, warm meals, warm (or cool) housing, and to never, ever, die alone.

That's my grown-up Christmas list. Essentially it's much longer, but it would simply be expounding on all of the above. For every desire of mine is somehow rooted in those listed. Wouldn't the world be a better place if 'Santa' were able to make all our dreams come true!

Blessings!

Wives of Faith: Day Three

2010-12-08T13:16:00.000-06:00

Before I begin today, I'd like to give a little *disclosure*. I guess that's what you'd call it. A lot of my military wife friends know that my husband and I don't have the typical (modern day) military experience. In the 12 years my husband has been in, he's gone away to school one time for a week, and he's deployed for 3 months, once. Other than that, we've never been apart. Pretty crazy in today's military, but essentially it is his career field. So I realized as I was reading through other posts from yesterday's question, how silly it sounds to be upset that he would *gasp* have to work on Christmas! I realize if you don't know our "norm," than that sounds absolutely absurd! But I think what plays into it the most is the first 20+ years of my life, which, I actually think are not the norm. I grew up in middle class suburbia with a father who received two weeks off every Christmas and a stay at home mom. We spent every single Christmas together, with no one having to work, no one missing out, no one unable to be there. I was also spoiled rotten, but that's another story ;) From the time I was around 6 years old, I grew up as an only child while my brother lived with our grandparents & then later on his own (he's 10 years older). Now, current day, as a military wife, it's hard to let go of the past. It's definitely a learning curve when it comes to holidays & us celebrating them not on the day on which they fall, but when it suits our schedule. Or only giving each other a few gifts versus the dozens upon dozens when my parents are a part of our Christmas. And on top of all of that is my spiritual, Christian journey. Teaching myself & learning about the true meaning of Christmas, learning to 'let go' of the consumer side of Christmas, and experiencing a whole new level of blessings. So that said, I'll continue with today's topic....

Today's question is what do I find to be the worst Christmas song ever!? Wow. As a musically inclined individual, this question could be hard to answer. But, I'll go with pure annoyance, LOL =) And I think my answer would have to be:

Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer

I mean, really? Come on! The essence of the story is poor Grandma is now dead! And at Christmastime nonetheless. Then Grandpa just sits and watches football while drinking his beer. Yeah. THAT'S a Christmas song if I've ever heard one. Wowzers!! But, I guess it's ONLY redeeming quality in my eyes is that it is a catchy tune in which everyone joins in singing, even if they don't know the entire song, they most definitely know the chorus!

It's also definitely a hard-party Christmas song. I'd be a little appalled if Silent Night or O' Come All Ye Faithful were karaoked at the drunken office Christmas party. So I guess it's good songs like this do exist, if only for drunken debauchery, which we ALL know happens every Christmas season...

Blessings!

Wives of Faith: Day Two

2010-12-07T13:46:00.002-06:00

Welcome to day two of the Wives of Faith Christmas Blog Carnival! Today's topic is a simple, yet thought-provoking question:

Christmas would not be Christmas without _____________?

I think I have to say family. I don't have a lot of family, so what little I do have, matters a lot. I remember the only year in my 30+ year life that I spent Christmas alone and it was so sad, so heartbreaking. I was very sick and did not get to enjoy the holiday at all, I told my husband to go ahead with our plans for the day, so he traveled down to his mom's house for Christmas Day. I layed on the couch at our house, so sick I didn't even really know what day it was. But, that doesn't matter. We essentially spent that Christmas apart, me - alone, and I don't ever want to do that again.

It had been many years since I'd had a true family Christmas. I lost all of my grandparents by the time I was 25. When my husband and I moved to Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, MS, we were only an hour away from my parents. They spent three of our four Christmas' down there with us at our beach cottage. Of course I had spent every Christmas with my parents throughout high school and college, but there was always something lacking when it was just the three of us. I remember one of my favorite Christmas' being when my brother brought his girlfriend home with him as a guest & on Christmas morning he asked her to marry him. We stayed up late on Christmas Eve, went to church, peeked at gifts under the tree.... it was magical. I had not experienced magical since I'd been a kid.

Then, years later, here I was married with no children and my parents chose to come spend the Christmas holiday with us for three years in a row. Again, it was magical. We would drive around and look at lights, go to church, sip hot cocoa, hide special gifts for one another, and experience family time like no other time of the year!

Now, current day, this is the furthest we've been away from our family during my husband's AF career (well, with the exception of his year in Korea before we got married). So this year, it's just the two of us. He was going to be working Christmas Eve & Day and I was trying very hard not to feel selfish. Christmas is so very important to me and I did not want to spend it alone. But the greatest gifts come in small, unknown packages sometimes & the schedule got changed around & he's now off for the Christmas holidays. Blessings in disguise! So this year will be the first year in awhile where it's again just the two of us. But it is what we make it. And it would have been even if he'd had to work. We would have created our own Christmas! As everyone who is a military spouse knows, we create our own happiness no matter where we are, no matter the circumstance.

Blessings!

Wives of Faith: Day One

2010-12-06T11:32:00.001-06:00

For the next 7 days, I'm going to join in the Wives of Faith Christmas Carnival. If you haven't read my 'About Me' section at the top (under the header), you may not know that we are an active duty Air Force family. My husband has been in for over 12 years and it is most definitely his career (meaning at least 20 years). Although I was already a Christian coming into our relationship and marriage, I find I must rely on the Lord as a military wife. There is always a challenge, uncertainty, sadness, fear, distance from family, among (of course) all the happy times! My spirituality has helped me many times as a 'wife of faith'. I've followed Wives of Faith forever on Facebook, but don't participate much outside of that. Maybe this blog carnival will change that!?

Today's topic is about that special Christmas ornament. The one that we pick gently up out of the box, our hands carefully caress it before it is hung upon the tree.... Christmas ornaments in my family have always been special. My mom kept every ornament from my childhood and they now hang on my own tree. But seven and a half years ago my husband and I began our own Christmas decoration collection. The tree is heavily adorned with a collection of ornaments dating as far back as 1978, but front and center is an ornament from 2003. We were simply dating at the time, but we both knew we'd be together forever. On our first date actually, we knew we would be married & rock in our chairs on the front porch as little old versions of ourselves 60 years from then. So our first Christmas actually began a year before we were married. It sits front and center every year to remind us of what we believed in way back when. If it's been a rough year, it reminds us we're good together & how the Lord played a huge role in our getting back together after many years apart. If it's been a good year, it simply reminds us of hope. When that ornament was first hung in 2003, it was simply with hope. Hope for dozens and dozens of future Christmases together. Hope for love, in a world where marriages don't last. Hope for us, as a couple, to rely on the Lord in all the ups and downs this life will bring us. So yes, it may not be the most beautiful ornament on the tree. It may not be the cutest. But it's the most meaningful.

So without further adieu... here she is... our quite ugly hand-written, but front & center, always holding a special place in our hearts, 1st Christmas ornament as a future family:

Crystal

(not a) Happy Camper

2010-11-13T20:28:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was pretty amazing. It snowed all evening and into the night. So beautiful and a wonderful gift from God. The peacefulness of a heavy snow is something I can't quite describe if you haven't experienced it. The world quiets, all sounds are softened. Depending on where you live, you could easily feel like you're alone in the world!

And on such a beautiful, wondrous night, my husband dropped a bomb. He does not feel like we'll be able to travel home for the holidays. Our plans were to travel December 1-8, stay with his twin sister, and spend time with all of the family between both holidays. Being the 'new guy' at our new base, he did not feel as if he would be able to get the actual holidays off this year.

Since our PCS here in late July, I have not found a job. I've applied for so many & keep getting denied. I'm patiently waiting on my Counseling license to come through & until then, I can't apply for real counseling jobs. Any 'lesser' jobs I apply for, it's as if they immediately deny me because they feel I'd leave the second I got my license. The license is essentially just sending off lots of money & my package, and wait! Wait not so patiently! I even applied at minimum wage retail places, but then I have to lie & not say I have a Master's degree or they throw my application in the trash.

Financially, we do fine. We pay our bills. We buy groceries, we buy gas for our cars. But when it comes to a trip 12 hours from home, travel there/back, food while there, Christmas gifts or at least minimum purchases for his mom, and pet boarding/sitters back here at home ---- my husband just does not feel as if it can happen right now.

And this breaks my heart. When I asked him if he were serious, he told me he couldn't talk about it because he would get upset. His mom is deaf, she has no phone, no computer or computer skills, no connection with him other than a letter/card here and there. He last saw her last spring. He loves his mom dearly. He's the only son and she loves him dearly as well. He feels an obligation to take care of his momma.

So it's hard to not feel as if this is my fault since I have not found a job. It's hard to feel as if I'm not on some level contributing to this, because I AM. He can say "baby, we're fine," 1000 times and I'll still know that it's times like this that prove we're not.

My heart aches for him. This is one aspect of military life that is NOT a blessing. We truly feel blessed for the life the military affords us - the health benefits, the grocery (commissary) benefits, cheaper gas on base, free fitness centers, etc. And yes, in today's society those things matter very much. But it's family that matters so much more.

The Apostles' Creed

2010-11-08T22:05:00.001-06:00

I BELIEVE in God, the Father Almighty

creator of heaven and earth;

And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord:

who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,

born of the Virgin Mary,

suffered under Pontius Pilate,

was crucified, dead, and buried;

the third day he rose from the dead;

he ascended into heaven,

and sitteth at the right hand of God the Father Almighty;

from thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead.

I believe in the Holy Spirit,

the holy catholic church,

the communion of saints,

the forgiveness of sins,

the resurrection of the body,

and the life everlasting.

Amen

There is something about the Apostles' Creed that truly makes me feel at 'home' - in church, that is. The Creed was spoken ever Sunday in my United Methodist Church & it is something I miss when I attend many of the new-age churches that have cropped up all over the country.

For anyone who may not know, the Apostles' Creed briefly summarizes the history of Christianity and its foundation. Often, it is viewed as the official statement of Christian belief. But, as with anything, I think many people who stand in church on Sunday morning, recite the Apostles' Creed without even thinking about the words they're saying. When I was younger, I loved that part of the service & yet later in life when I was exploring religion, many of my peers could not provide a simple definition of what it is.

The history of the Apostles' Creed dates back to the third century. The THIRD CENTURY, people =) That's quite some time ago. In that time, Christianity became a dominate religion and the Apostles' Creed was created to represent a uniform statement of belief.

Just a little lesson today, as I continue in my search for a church home. I've found a local United Methodist Church that I'm going to attend on Sunday & I'm very much looking forward to it.

Blessings!

God's Call

2010-11-07T20:39:00.001-06:00

Nope, God didn't call me on the phone. =) I attended a local Christian Military Wives group tonight at a nearby church. When we departed, we were asked to draw a question out of a box, take it home with us, and answer it if we felt like doing so. My question is as follows:

Are you ignoring what God has called you to do in order to feel safe?

Alrighty then. Great question!

I am 32 years old and I am not sure what God has called me to do. I am not sure why I am here on this Earth, following the path I'm on, living the life I'm living. I don't mean that in a "my life is purposeless" way. I am a wife of 6 years, but I am consistently trying to figure out how to be the best wife I can be. I am not a mother yet. Currently I am not working. People used to tell me I had gifts, but as my illness has zapped all energy and excitement for life over the past 6 years, I tend to lose touch with my 'gifts'.

I know God has a purpose for me. I know He has a plan. Ultimately I know that my life is in His hands, always has been, always will be. Prayer, I know, will help me figure out the answer to this question. Walking a closer walk with Christ will lead me closer to knowing. If anyone has tips on the best ways to pray in regards to "why am I here, Lord," please let me know. Because I'm not the best at prayer.

Point of the question though, was do you remain in your safety zone versus doing what the Lord has truly called you to do.

Yes.

I would have loved to have been a missionary. I always feared traveling. I might die. I might die in a fiery crash in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

I would love to lead a group of women in Bible study or book club, something, anything. But I don't because I'm not "a good enough Christian to be the leader of a group."

I would love to share parts of my life story with college aged women so they don't drown when experiencing the saddest and scariest parts of college life. But I'm uncomfortable with certain people knowing that part of me (i.e. family members).

And the list goes on and on.

The verses to study on this topic were Psalm 145:10 and 1 Corinthians 14:25

Psalm 145:10: All they works shall praise thee, O Lord; and they saints shall bless thee - Okay, I'll be honest - I have no clue what that means. So I need to study that more. (I mentioned a long time ago I'm a novice Christian & there was a time not so long ago I could count on two hands the # of times in my life I've picked up a Bible)

1 Corinthians 14:25: And thus are the secrets of his heart made manifest; and so falling down on his face he will worship God, and report that God is in you of a truth. - Okay, this is where I begin to feel really dumb b/c I have no idea what that means either.

Yep, yep... so you see - lots of learning and growth to take place for moi. Goodnight for now!

Blessings!

Silver Linings

2010-11-06T21:22:00.001-05:00

One thing I struggle with is seeing the silver linings in situations that arise in my life. I can always see that lining for those around me, but when it comes to myself - I falter. I'm pretty sure that's a core part of me & also what led me to be a Counselor. It's of the same school as always taking care of others & not myself.

As a military wife, sometimes it is hard to say certain things around other military wives. We fear our 'minimal' situation will be viewed by those with massive situations as 'stupid'. Therefore, I cheerfully pretend to see that darn lining for the benefit of who? Those around me? Why should they be more important than myself!?

That's a whole 'nother blog post! Entirely =)

Point being - this is a month of giving thanks. On our family blog I'm posting each week about what I was thankful for each day of that week (keeping up w/ it by posting each day on Facebook - as you've seen I have a hard time posting daily most of the time). I should be (and am somewhat) thankful for all of the blessings bestowed upon us this fall season. We are young, relatively healthy 30-something year olds who own a wonderful tri-level home in a beautiful part of the country. We have three healthy pets who bring joy and delight (aren't those the same?) to our lives every single day. We have a marriage that is over 6 years old & we still openly communicate. Those are just a few of the things for which I am thankful. But those are the BIG things.

I find it harder to be thankful for the little things & those are what I'm trying to keep tabs on with my family blog.

I'm finding it hard to be thankful that although my husband is home and not in a war zone, halfway across the country, or out of a job entirely, he will not be home with me on Thanksgiving Day. He will not be home with me on Christmas Eve. He will not be home with me on Christmas Day.

Oh he'll be 'home', but not in a traditional sense. I won't cook in the kitchen as I hear football game shouts from the living room. I won't wake up with my husband on a beautiful (hopefully snowy) Christmas morning. We won't wrap last minute gifts in separate room on Christmas Eve, threatening to peek into the other's room. =) Afterall, we will have already had our extended family Christmas. We don't buy each other much & we'll have no family as houseguests this year.

I'm actually trying NOT to think the worst or catastrophize. But, Lord, it is hard. I'm steeped in tradition and I know this year I will have to step outside of my perfect little box and engage in what so many people around the world must do: make the best of it.

I write this with NO expectations of pity. That totally misses the point. I am working hard on my relationship with the Lord and this is a part of it. This, my friends, is all about me. It is an acknowledgment of something I need to work on, something that will prove a challenge in coming weeks, and something that should find me in prayer. I'll have to let you know how it goes. ;)

*sigh, & I posted this, read it & realized I totally missed my 2nd point - which was there are so many people who NEVER have their loved ones home on holidays - Doctors, nurses, police officers, fire fighters, military, etc. I know many people who never have a holiday totally off - they work shifts & all share a bit of the day (if they're lucky). I have so many friends whose husbands are gone this entire holiday season, overseas, deployed. They will not even be home Christmas night or Thanksgiving night. They will not see their sons and daughters, wives, or husbands. And I get that. I totally get that. Point being - I have issues with that beautifully wrapped box I mentioned that I've got to learn how to step outside of. I grew up in the middle class home with a dad who had a fantastic job and was home for every single holiday. He was home for 2 weeks at Christmas-time. It's what I know. It's what I am comfortable with. THAT was also my point, which I totally forgot to mention.

Finding My Place

2010-11-06T15:27:00.001-05:00

This past week I threw myself a nice little pity party. It was not fun. My nose was clogged, my mascara was smeared. My dog thought I was crazy & my husband thought I was nuts. But, boy was it worth it. It often takes a down-n-dirty pity party for me to realize some things. What I realized this week was that even if no one in my 'real' life takes one ounce of interest in anything that I do, I am in charge of creating my own happiness.

Huh? (you say)

I love sharing. I love giving. I love making people laugh and smile. I love life. I live life bigger than a lot of people around me. And I try to share all of that with my family, but no one cares. And I know it's probably not that they don't care, but rather that we all have interests in different things, in how we do them, and how they make us feel.

I asked my husband what was the point of having a family blog when not one single family member reads it, comments, or probably even knows where to find it. I asked what's the point in sending mail when you never even get a confirmation that said piece of mail arrived, a thank you, or an acknowledgement of how happy it made that person. Or did it even make them happy? Did it just get tossed onto a stack of mail without a care in the world? And this is my ENTIRE family. This is the family I was birthed from, the family I married into, the family God gave me in every way, shape, and form. I have no one in my entire family that truly has the same interests that I do. I have no one to send me a card telling me they're thinking of me. Our only home warming gift & cards came from new friends in Nebraska.

And I LOVE receiving mail. I love sending mail. But I want to know that the person on the receiving end of my piece of mail is warmed by it, is made joyful by it.

I then tried inviting my husband into our family blog. I mean that's what it is, right? Nope. I was horribly mistaken. He wants no part of it. All I asked is "what are you thankful for this week," for a Giving Thanks post. <--this is what led to the meltdown. "I'm not like that," he says. I curtly replied with an angry response about how NO ONE IN MY ENTIRE expletive LIFE IS LIKE THAT. Yes people, it was NOT pretty.

And in the days following said meltdown, I realized what I've known for a long time but had somehow forgotten - I must create my own happiness. No one is going to do it for me. Unfortunately. I've never had people in my real life that will play any part in doing it for me. I often ask God why He landed me in such a family & figure He has something bigger in store for me. But it's easy to feel alone in the world, especially when you're living in a new place, have little to no friends, and have no family members who want to be a part of the things you desire.

So I'm actively working on making my own happiness. And I realized first and foremost it means surrounding myself with a certain type of person/people - people who care. people who love. people who are Christians. people who desire to get out of the house. people who do not bring me down. people who pray. people who love the Lord. people who do not complain incessantly. people who WANT to spend time with me. people who share my love for music, mail, and Jesus Christ.

I was able to tackle the 'mail' requirement pretty easily - I joined the Swap Bot community on the Internet. Now, SB, as with anywhere on the web has its share of NASTY & MEAN people (ladies). But if I ignore them & refuse to get sucked into their HATRED for all things GOOD, then I'll be okay. And it's not everyone on the website - but as with anything that has a public forum - it has it's fair share. I'll never forget landing myself in the public forum on the Weight Watchers community one day. I was appalled and shocked at the hatred, disrespect, and pure venom that some of those people were full of. But you can find them anywhere, even in real life.

My next step is finding a church home with a church choir. I miss singing. I miss singing for the Lord. I miss interacting with people who LOVE to share their gift from God with a chapel full of people. But I'm having a very hard time finding a real church in this place. What they have a plethora of are churches that meet in gymnasiums, metal buildings, and other large places with traveling pieces to make up the altar, congregation seating, etc. When I have attended church, I've attended churches with beautiful sanctuaries and chapels. I've always been with a church who had a loft for the choir, an organ, and cushioned (or not) pews. There were center aisles (or off center) for brides to travel down with their fathers. There were altars in which we kneeled for Communion and from which our preachers/ministers preached from.

Do you know how hard those places are to find these days? Almost any 'new' church I've seen meets in schools, portable metal buildings, or community centers. One back home even met in a skating rink! What happened to CHURCHES!? I'm so baffled by this, I just don't understand. I want to stand in a choir loft and sing to our Lord. I want to look out and see stained glass windows and have a crucifix with the Lord Jesus hanging behind us. Where are these places!? If someone knows, please enlighten me. I live right outside of Omaha, NE. Help me find a true church!

Regardless of finding a church, I went ahead and immersed myself in a women's ministry. I just frequented all the local church websites & when I saw an upcoming Bible study, I threw my self-consciousness out the door & I went! It was one of the best choices of my life. I love the group of ladies & on the 1st day I ended up sitting next to the mother of one of my husband's coworkers in the Air Force. A young man who my husband actually supervised several years ago at our first base.

Anyway, I know I'm getting to the point of rambling. Point being - I'm back. I'm not here to please anyone. I'm not here to follow a niche. You may see things you like, you may see things that make you wonder what got into me. But I HOPE to continue working on my relationship with the Lord and this blog helped me with that. I noticed since I let it go last spring, I've been a very angry & hateful person who feels so far from the Lord, it's ridiculous. And I need to change that.

Blessings!

The Thorn by Beverly Lewis

2010-09-07T15:16:00.001-05:00

FIVE STARS!!!

I was fortunate enough to review this book prior to the publishing date, courtesy of Bethany House Publishers. This was my first time reading Beverly Lewis. If you are a fan of Amish fiction, romance, or captivating Christian fiction - this new trilogy as well as its author are for you!

The Thorn by Beverly Lewis is sure to keep you on your toes. As an avid reader it is easy to feel you know where most stories are going. Each time I predicted something, I was pleasantly surprised to be wrong. The main characters of the story are sure to capture your attention and your heart while leading you on a beautiful adventure. The essence of the main character, Rose Ann, is captured in the photo on the front of this book. An Amish woman who chose the Amish life early, was baptized and lives her life in only the most acceptable ways - yet has a hard time keeping her hair pulled tight into her Kapp. The book is centered around the heart and life of Rose Ann and will leave you wanting more!

The story delves into the lives of two sisters, Rose Ann and Hannah (Hen), the people closest to them, their families, as well as the innermost desires of their hearts. Hen chose the worldly life as a young woman, but I enjoy how Beverly Lewis leaves open the possiblity for Hen's return to the Amish ways and church - by having not been baptized in the church, Hen was not shunned. But alas, we will all wait to find out what happens next. The next installment of the Rose Trilogy will bless us in the Spring of 2011. In the meantime, enjoy! I hope you will not be disappointed.

Blessings!

September nightstand...

2010-08-24T13:10:00.003-05:00

Location: Home ("hume" as everyone likes to tease me)
Weather: About 74 degrees. Tonight will be FIFTY THREE!!!

Currently on my mind: Discouraged about some news I received. Trying to stay positive.

I joined this site & attempted to take part in it last spring. To no avail. Did. Not. Happen. Although I read like it's going out of style, for some reason I rarely post about it. And that is something I'd like to change. So I'm going to attempt to create that change.

If you'd like to join in, follow the link (if the picture doesn't work I'll create the link here as well) and join in! You post on the 4th Thursday of each month, regarding what you're planning on reading that month & as you finish a book you can post your thoughts on it. Now you don't have to do any of that, you can simply read your books, but personally I think it is fun =)

So. Here we go.

I have two books on my bedside table right now. They are authors I've never heard of nor read. I bought them in a 3 pack with Sheila Walsh's first fiction novel, Angel Song - which I loved btw.

These two are:

Just Between You and Me by Jenny B. Jones (cute name, eh?) - a novel of losing fear and finding God

A Lady Like Sarah by Margaret Brownley - a rocky creek romance (<--???)

Now I'm not promising anything. I'm very picky on my Christian fiction and if I don't like either of these by a few chapters in, I will put it down and pass it along to someone else.

The following two I am VERY excited about. One I have on order & it is currently on its way to me, the other I won through Amy Bayliss' site.

Get Off Your Knees and Pray by Sheila Walsh

Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God also by Sheila Walsh

Like I said, very excited about these two. I had never heard of Sheila (I haven't heard of a lot of Christian speakers, writers, women, men, the list goes on....) until I attended Women of Faith in Omaha a few weeks ago. I really enjoyed her speaking style & ended up purchasing the Angel Song 3 pack with the other 2 in the previous category. Now, as with Mercy Me (who changed my life after I spent a week with them in Glorieta, NM), Sheila Walsh will have my faithfulness as a 'customer' (per se) for years to come. If I like it, I stick with it.

There is a book on my 'wishlist' on PaperBackSwap.com -

Becoming More Than A Good Bible Study Girl by Lisa TerKeurst

I'm not hopeful about receiving it anytime soon as I'm number 41 out of 43 who are 'wishing' for it =( And I don't have a birthday coming up. Darn! But as soon as I do get it, it will be added to my stack!

Now. I may be a Christian woman with a blog that mainly focuses on my spiritual journey, but that does not mean I don't read secular fiction. And my favorites are psycho serial killer on the loose with an FBI agent who saves the day. Mmkay? Before our move I got rid of a lot of books, but I do have a few boxes I need to go digging through in the garage. Highly looking forward to it =) A few favorites are Lisa Jackson, Lisa Gardner, Stephen White, James Patterson, Tami Hoag... the list goes on. And on.

So. What are you reading this month!?

Blessings!

Cheerful Giving

2010-08-23T11:19:00.001-05:00

Location: Bellevue, NE
Weather: 80's & BEAUTIFUL

Currently on my mind: Is the water meter reader coming? If so, I really need to clear a path! (they have to come inside to the basement) <-- yeah, weird.

Anxiously waiting. Wondering. Dreaming.

She waits. Every day she waits. "Will I have something to call my own?", she wonders.

I can't speak for all little girls and boys out there, but I know how many days in my life I've waited to see that wonderful, magical, little white truck pull into our cul-de-sac. Will he put something in the magic box for me today? Will I see my granny's handwriting? Will I hear from my pen pal halfway around the world? What about my dear friend who moved away and I miss with every beat of my heart.

"Happy Birthday, sweetie," my mom said as she handed me a stack of beautifully colored envelopes. I could barely contain the squealing enough to grab them from her hand and rip into each and every one....

Fast forward ten or twelve years....

Graduation cards rolling in. Raw excitement each and every day as you wonder, "who will I hear from today?"

Fast forward ten or twelve years....

"Happy Birthday, sweetie," my husband says and tells me I should log in to my Facebook page.... "you won't believe it," he says, "it's crazy!"

And crazy it is.

As our teenage niece's milestone birthday nears, we had 'Birthday Card' on our shopping list yesterday. We came home empty handed because where we shopped for our groceries does not sell cards. How easy would it be to not make a special trip out of the house for the rest of the week and simply send her a "virtual" greeting? How many others will do that? Can you imagine when we celebrated our Sweet Sixteen, if we'd had nothing to hold in our hands. Nothing to stash away for years in a box, only to be opened when we're feeling nostalgic as an adult.

I will not take the easy way out, we will get her a card in the mail, just in the nick of time.

But it truly saddens me to see what our world is becoming - 'virtual' cards and greetings, books on an electronic device you hold in your hand!? Reading to me is about the adventure - holding it in my hands, the feel of the pages on my skin, the cracking of the spine for the first time. Receiving birthday cards should be about the adventure as well. Coming home from school, "did I get anything today, mom?" The excitment of wonder. Will there be money? Will there be gift cards? Will there be a drawing from my young cousins?

There is no way possible that our lives are too busy to enjoy such blessings. There is no way our lives are too busy to send such blessings. But if you feel obligated, you miss the point entirely. Think of the joy it brought to your young life to receive such gifts (and may still). And with a cheerful heart, give unto others.

"Let each man do according as

he hath purposed in his heart:

not grudgingly, or of necessity:

for God loveth a cheerful giver."

2 Corinthians 9:7 (ASV)

Blessings!

The Fruits of our Labor

2010-08-20T22:01:00.000-05:00

"God has graced us with all we need

to live and grow as believers.

But we must avail ourselves of the means

to continue to grow in grace."

John Wesley

A topic all too often explored is our devotion to our relationship with Christ. I am first in line to admit I am a slacker. Seems these days I slack in most everything. Living with chronic illness is not always easy, but nor do I ever expect it to become an excuse. It is the reason at times that I slack in my relationship with Him, but I don't always use it as such. I then end up providing some halfhearted reasoning for why I was absent from a gathering or unable to complete a task. I don't ever want to be "that person," the one who blames everything on something out of her control. Because in all honesty, there are parts of it that are in my control. I just haven't learned to control the things I can.

I know that entire paragraph probably made absolutely no sense to you. That is indicative of how I feel right now. Today has been a rough day. A day where essentially nothing was accomplished. A day in which I had more problems than not. Yet at the end of said day, I feel guilty. I blame myself. I say "you can do better."

What bothered me today hit me while I was standing at the kitchen sink using all the power left in my hands and fingers to scrub the removable pieces of the gas-top stove. First I scrubbed with a green pad and hot water. Nothing. I then continued with the same green pad, but threw some Comet into the mix. Nothing. I pulled out old faithful Dawn, along with the same green pad - magic! The gas residue came off easier than the prior two attempts, but the elbow grease I had to throw behind the pad was intense. By the time I finished, my fingers were aching. A long time ago I wrote about my hands and how my disease is affecting them. I can't do all of the things I used to do. I don't have endurance in my fingers. I don't have the strength.

But regardless, sometimes I push through. Actually it's more of a control issue ("no one else can do it as good as I can"), but I'd like to think it's simply me pushing through and accomplishing something. As I was scrubbing and my fingers and hands began to ache, I wondered what it would be like if I put that much energy and time into my relationship with Christ. And then I thought about how many times I've given up after the first try (hot water) or the second (Comet).... to never see the fruits of my labor.

Man. Can you imagine? I know this is not Jesus based, but can you imagine a faith so great that you have a callus in the middle of your forehead from praying so often throughout each and every single day of your life? Or what about a Catholic who has callused fingers from praying the rosary day in and day out? I know we don't have to have something to show for our faith. But if we did, what would my efforts look like? Would my fingers be exhausted and barely able to move by the time I was done?

What if our entire society were Christian and we left the house each day knowing there was something the world could see for our efforts? What if we had the callus smack in the middle of our knees or papercuts from flipping through the Bible each night. What if our fingers were permanently bent from clasping our hands so often in fervent prayer?

But we don't. And we're not surrounded by people who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior. That doesn't mean we should try any less.

Sometimes my daily efforts are ensuring my home looks like it belongs on the pages of a magazine, making sure there are meals prepared for my husband, sharing my faith through blogging, and connecting with friends and family through social networking... but do I ensure my time for Jesus, each and every single day, is set aside?

Honestly?

No.

And I will not use the excuse that I am "new to this." I will [not so] simply say, tomorrow I will try harder. I would love to hear your input, your suggestions for making my relationship with Christ a daily practice. I would love for you to share your hardships in doing so, as well. I know for a fact I'm not the only one, but it is something we don't like to talk about. We prefer the fruits of our labor be an appearance that we have it all together.... and if you read yesterday's post, you'll know that I certainly do not.

*if you're interested in reading more about what John Wesley says about Grace and our relationship with God, visit this link for the Wesley Center Online.

Blessings!

Worthy of God's Love

2010-08-19T10:32:00.001-05:00

Location: Upstairs living room
Weather: Hotter than yesterday =(

Currently on my mind: Personal worth

As I strive to grow as a Christian, a child of God, a woman of faith, I waver. I am first in line to knock myself down, no matter the circumstance. I am the first to speak negatively to me. I am who creates the struggle.

And most of this goes on inside of my heart, mind, and spirit. I'll never forget the first time someone said to me "I'm glad to see your life isn't perfect because that's how you come across". Immediately, I thought WHAT!? What does she mean by that, I wondered. And then I got it.

For so long, perfection was expected, but not in the ways one would think. I wasn't punished for being silly or not making straight A's. I wasn't scolded and made to feel small. I was never abused and told not to tell. No, it was so much more than that. Do you know I still won't cry in public because people in my family did not cry! I'm comfortable to share my anger with you, but I'm not comfortable to share my pain. I'll laugh with you all day long, but I grow uneasy when it's time to get serious. I won't even share my blog with my family because we would all be embarrassed. When things get 'deep', we don't know how to look each other in the eye. We don't know how to even say I love you. Hugs at the end of a family visit are far and few between and they are awkward and more like a pat on the back from a football coach. And 'God' is a foreign word.

But no matter what, no matter what happens in life, my heart is filled with the love of Christ. And for that, I am thankful. I am soaked in his acceptance. I am grateful that He chose me. Little old me, who doesn't even know how to tell most humans how she feels. But I can certainly tell Him. My heart swells with the pride of being a Christian woman in today's society and loving every second of it. When the tears fall in the privacy of my own home due to a prayer, a song, or God speaking to me... I could burst with sheer delight!

But still I waver. And all I can do about that is grow, with His help. God has my whole life in the palms of His hands. I am thankful for His love and can rest easier knowing that the past, my present, and all the days of my future are in those hands.

Thank you for giving me today. Thank you for the sun that warmed my skin, the breeze that brushed my face. Thank you for the love and kindness of those around me. Thank you for giving me another day, another day to become a better me, another chance to reign in the anger and low self-worth, another chance to grow as your child. Because of you Lord, I am slowly learning to love and accept myself. Lord help me forgive myself and forgive others. Help me deny hatred from entering my heart. Thank you for my health and awakening in me the desire to grow closer to you as I share you with the world. I thank you for all the graces you have given me today.

If you're interested in seeing other Thankful Thursday posts

or would like to check out the host site, please click here

Blessings!

Faith to the Core

2010-08-18T12:04:00.000-05:00

Location: Home, Bellevue, NE
Weather: 70's & cloudy

Currently on my mind: my heart's desires

I think some would say I have a musical soul. For as long as I can remember, music moved me. As a child I had a little radio in my room and would jam to my Barbie tape. As I got older, music became very important to me and I would listen to the actual radio any chance I got. Of course in junior high school I listened to the Sunday night dedication show and always thought how amazing it must be to call in to the show! I remember my parents having records and those old fat tape things from the 1970's. What were they called? I did not own my first CD until high school. Oh I had many 'tapes' before that. Kids these days probably don't even know what those are, which is why I kept a few to share with my own children someday. Now my folks had a few CD's and one time when I returned from a summer camp, I discovered that one of their CD's had one of the main songs from camp on there. What was it? Boot Scootin' Boogie, I think. But I'm getting off track here (no pun intended). For as long as I can remember, music touched a place inside of me.

From the age of 12 I knew music played a special role in my life. It could easily move me to tears and produce this ache inside of me that I never knew how to explain. Looking back I know it is because something so special was missing from my life. Now I've told the story of how I became a Christian and music played a spectacular role in that process. I never knew just how much I could be touched by a few simple notes strung together with amazing vocals and the words that explained exactly what was going on inside of my soul. That began happening in junior high school and has never stopped. To this day a song can bring me to my knees and bring me closer to God.

The week I spent with Mercy Me in the mountains of Glorieta, NM was a week like no other. I had never even heard of Contemporary Christian music, much less heard it. From the first night of that trip, which is the first time I paid attention to God's pursuit of me (you can read about that here), the music spoke to me in ways I had never in my life experienced. And to this day, spiritual music or even mainstream music that speaks to me is what brings me closer to our Lord. It is what redirects me. It calms me. It guides me in the right direction. It plays as background music while I work on Bible study. It plays all day throughout my empty house while my husband works. It plays while I write and create. I don't know that I'll ever truly explain how music works in my life, but I know if I were ever an Angel, I'd be a singing Angel.

My faith center - the topic of the Women of Faith Talk Back I am participating in - was never someone in my family. It was never someone in my 'real life'. I was not raised in the church nor with a spiritual element in my home. If I had to describe an earthly element that is my faith center, it would be music. And I believe with all of my heart that God knew that's how He could get me. That's how He could grab my attention, shake me by the shoulders and say "wake up, your life is in shambles!" But ultimately my faith center is Jesus Christ. I came to Christ, not to music. I chose Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior, not music. Marilyn Meberg says in her book, A Grand New Day:

"We must remind ourselves of a very basic truth. Our faith source is Jesus. He is the author of my faith. He is the giver of my faith. I am not. My mother was not. Any other person is not. Jesus gave me faith when I received him into my heart and life. That faith is totally, personally my Jesus-given faith."

And I find it no 'coincidence' that the song that just played is My Help Comes From the Lord, by The Museum -

When sorrows come and hope seems gone

You’re the Rock I rest upon

When waters rise and I can’t breathe

You’re the love that rescues me

Out of the darkness

I lift up my eyes

Unto the hills

I feel my faith rise

Maker of heaven, giver of life

You are my strength, my song in the night

My refuge, my shelter

Now and forevermore

My help comes from the Lord

When I’m broken, scarred by sin

Death gives way to life again

When I suffer, when I’m bound

In You I’m free, in You I’m found

I will never give up my music. I can listen to someone talk all day, but throw some music in behind their words & that is when I really hear them. Stick a song in there at the end of their message and I will remember it forever. That's not to say there are not some undeniably inspirational women out there - many of whom have also played an impact in my spiritual journey. But like I said, you throw some music in there and you've got me. I prefer the blog with music. I prefer the speaker with a soft melody playing in the background. I honestly believe it is the Lord's way of saying "Crystal, pay attention here, your mind is wandering." And so I do. The first hint of music and my heart and mind both perk up, all hint of ADD out the door and the following message can be life changing for me. My faith 'center' is the music of my heart, but my core, my ultimate faith core is Jesus Christ and I will never waver from that!

P.S. if you have your volume turned down, I have music that plays on the side & most of it is music that has spoken to my soul...

Blessings!

Click here to view other Women of Faith Talk Back entires.

What is FAITH?

2010-08-17T08:01:00.000-05:00

Location: My living room; Bellevue, NE
Weather: 70 degrees, light rain

Currently on my mind: The perplexing oddities of life

You're walking along or working outside. You see your neighbors flocking towards the end of the street. You wonder "what could be going on" and thus follow. You hear the mumbling through the crowd. Then you see him for yourself. You know you have been sick for many years and you believe the things you've heard. You blend yourself into the crowd and when you get the chance you reach out and touch his clothing. Maybe, just maybe, that little touch will provide you with the healing he can offer. Instantly you feel the illness heal itself and know you've been blessed. But then he turns around and asks toward the crowd "who touched my clothing?" Do you dare say it was you? Do you run home and pretend you did nothing wrong? No, you decide you have to tell him. You shake with fear as you say "it was me Lord, it was me." And he says

"Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

Is there anything in our modern day world that we put our faith into like so many people did when Jesus walked our streets? I know there is nothing in my life that I trust will fully heal me - whether emotionally or physically. I don't trust the Dr's to know exactly what they're doing (or to even listen half the time). I don't trust the foods I eat or the vitamins I take. I don't put that same faith into any person around me. Why should I? They only have the same earthly powers that I do and I know I can not heal you. But faith can. Faith can fill empty voids in our souls. Faith can allow us to live freely in ways we never imagined. To have something bigger than what's around us to believe in; that is faith. My belief may not be the same as yours or the person next door. But that's because my faith is in Jesus Christ. That faith has brought me from despair to happiness, from extreme doubt to pure certainty. And I believe that faith can heal me if I were to fully invest in it. But that's where I struggle. And I think many of those around me struggle as well. I struggle to have such a faith that if Jesus were in a crowded room with me - would I reach out and touch him because I'd heard he can heal? That's essentially what the sick girl did. She believed in what she had heard. She believed and took a chance. And she was healed for believing. "Daughter, your faith has healed you," she believed in something so much bigger than her, something so foreign and yet normal at the time in which she lived.

Today I fear we'd be laughed out of the room if we were to show such faith. We see a group of people on the evening news who have traveled halfway around the world to invest their faith in something they believe in, and yet we laugh. These same people walk away and claim they were healed by the powers of Jesus. And yet we laugh. What is so inherently wrong with the fact that people in our world can have faith and can act upon that faith just as the people in Jesus' time did? Why do we scoff on the outside & yet on the inside wish "I could go there and see if it works." I'm not necessarily speaking from current personal experience because I am always one to stand up for others and what they believe in, regardless of what those around me say. But I'm speaking as our society as a whole. What has happened to our faith? Faith in anything, but most important, in something bigger than ourselves.

I did not start out today with the intention of writing what I wrote. I actually had the intention of talking about my personal faith and healing. I have an ECG coming up soon because they are concerned about possible Barrett's Esophagus which can easily lead to esophageal cancer. I take a proton pump inhibitor medication - the normal dose - twice a day, every day. And yet I'm suffering with extreme, severe, acid reflux. When this happens I have trouble breathing deep into my lungs. So they want to see what is going on, but the first available date as of right now is September 9. Typically a worrier, I have to learn to put my faith in my Jesus and understand that no matter what, he has a plan for my life. I also need to understand that with faith and prayer, anything is possible. With God, anything is possible. Understanding it and living it are two separate things. What I'm striving for right now is the ability to live it.

Think about your faith. When was the last time you fully invested your faith in something bigger than yourself or those around you?

Blessings!

Spiritually Revived

2010-08-15T21:59:00.000-05:00

Location: My basement; Bellevue, NE
Weather: Expected low tonight of 62 (YES!!)

Currently on my mind: Honestly, not much (that's a good thing)

I did something this weekend. I pushed through my self-doubt, my guilt, and my pain to attend my first Women of Faith conference. It was an amazing experience and I certainly feel spiritually refreshed. I can honestly admit I was tired, beat down, and angry prior to last Thursday. I think for me they all go hand in hand - when I get run down I get angry more often & easier. I snap at people around me and throw out some looks that could kill. I find myself falling into that rut of emotion and behavior when I've got a spiritual void inside of me. With everything that has been going on over the last few months, I've slacked off on my relationship with Jesus. I had posted a few months ago about how when it is summer time I feel a disconnect from God. I think it's because the days are longer, Bible study's are not as frequent & there is so much going on that I slack off in general.

But Women of Faith brought me back to where I need to be (until the next time). I heard Sheila Walsh for the first time and if this is someone you've never heard of - I suggest you change that. This woman is PHENOMENAL. She has a voice of an angel when singing and has recorded album's as far back as the early 1980's (I did not know this). She is an inspirational speaker and writer with numerous best seller's. Her current book is Beautiful Things Happen When a Woman Trusts God.

Paired with Sheila for the first day was Marcus Buckingham. Again, an amazing speaker and man of God. His stories were inspiring and motivating while in stitches from laughing so hard. His most recent book is Find Your Strongest Life.

Other speakers and performers were Natalie Grant, Mary Mary, Michelle Aguilar, Lisa Harper, Luci Swindoll, Karen James, and Nicole Johnson.

And guess who else? Near the end of the second day we were told that after the break we would have a surprise.

So we returned & were waiting for Michelle to go on when our host for the weekend went on stage and introduced our surprise - SELAH!

They were in town for some reason & Women of Faith talked them into performing for us. And along with Todd was Angie Smith. If you don't know who Angie is, she writes online at the blog Bring The Rain. Now this is one of my favorite blogs & Angie is actually who inspired me to start blogging last Christmas. She also has a book published called I Will Carry You. It is the story of her faith in Christ through the loss of her child Audrey Caroline who lived for mere hours after birth.

My weekend was truly inspiring and I spent today recovering! Every ounce of me aches from the tiny stadium seats and I was exhausted from a lack of sleep over the past few nights due to severe reflux. I encourage you to look for a Women of Faith event near you! They travel the nation & will be back in Omaha this same weekend, next year. I can not wait to go again! But in the meantime is finding a local church home, Bible study, and spending some daily time in the Word myself.

I hope your weekend was beautiful and that God has blessed you.

Blessings!

Death

2010-08-10T06:00:00.001-05:00

(In Heaven...)

And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.

There shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying;

and there shall be no more pain,
for the former things have passed away.

Rev 21.4

Death. It has a way of wreaking havoc in our lives. It storms in one random day, grabs hold, & slowly, but slowly, creeps away many moons later....

I think I do pretty well managing my emotions regarding Death. I think it helps when you have firm roots in the foundation of all things Holy. Of course Death never ceases to sadden me, but I think I pick myself up more quickly than a lot of those people around me. Then I'm taken by surprise some random day when my mind or heart wanders and conjurs up an image of the sweet, darling person who is no longer with me. But even then, even then I am more nostalgic than selfish. Oh how it must feel to walk the streets of Heaven and know not the sorrow or pain that our Earthly lives hold.

I sometimes have a hard time thinking of myself as a woman. I don't know if it's just me or if anyone else out there ever feels that way. I can feel myself and see the image of myself as a child, a teen, and a young adult. I live in the skin I'm currently in, all 32 years worth of it. But rarely, rarely do I think of myself as a true 'woman', an adult. So when I claw my way back into current day reality sometimes & realize I am said woman and that all the women around me are my equals, it's a little perplexing. It's taken a lot of adjustment to realize I am coworkers and "friends" with women in their forties, fifties, sixties, etc. And as we all know, Death is inevitable, even at my age.

Someone I could (even) say I love very much is dying. And I've never had to deal with that before. Of course I've lost grandparents, aunts, and uncles. And I've lost my precious pets. But I've never lost someone who is so alive. Someone I worked under and with every day for almost a year. Someone who always could bring a smile to my face and elicit a laugh loud enough to make others look. Someone who I wish I knew believed that Jesus Christ is her Savior and therefore I knew she would live eternally in Heaven.

My friend, as I would like to call her, will probably not be here a year or so from now. And I was not 100% certain of this fact until I heard it from someone tonight. My friend had told me before I moved away (in early July) that her cancer had spread & there was nothing they could do. She teared up and shrugged as if to say "what's a girl to do"? I then found out she was on a trip of a lifetime with her two young, teenage daughters. I also saw that this trip was funded through the kindness of others & that clenched my heart with fear. I e-mailed a mutual friend / old co-worker & did not hear back. I e-mailed another friend / old co-worker & found out that the fear that gripped me was the truth. This is a memory making trip for her and her daughters. This is a trip where the memories will be locked in their hearts and souls until the day they leave this Earth to hopefully reunite with their mother.

As soon as this news was confirmed for me tonight, tears hit my bare shoulders before I even knew I was crying. I hastily wiped them away, but realized just how much her death might be a turning point in my life. For this is the time in most people's lives where they begin experiencing the death of those around them, whether church members, coworkers, friends, or family. And I realize how truly blessed I've been to have only lost such a small handful of individuals in my life. I've always thought I dealt with Death pretty well, but now I'm not so sure. And it may be that I'm now 1000 miles away from my friend. I can't hug her one last time. I can't see her beautiful smiling face one last time. And I probably won't be at her funeral. I will see her in my thoughts and in my prayers. I will see her every night that I pray to God that she has made the right decision in her faith. And I will see her when I close my eyes tonight.

Death sneaks up on us. It worms its way into our lives like a sneaky little rodent. But with God in my life, I am at peace with Death. I can only hope that you are too.....

Blessings!

Dating

2010-08-09T05:31:00.006-05:00

friend·ship

\ˈfren(d)-ˌship\

*the quality or state of being friends*

Moving to a new area can be fun. It is a new chapter in my life & I am enjoying every second of it. But when it comes time to branch out and make new friends, we can stumble over our own two feet.

I had my first "date" today. Essentially the same thing a boy and girl do when courting. We met for lunch and did some brief browsing & shopping together.

Making friends is difficult. We all tend to make friends (or aquaintances) online pretty easily. I know I've met a bundle of women on Facebook who already lived in the area we were moving to. There seems to be any and every way to network or communicate online - whether through social networking sites themselves, blogs, or message boards and groups. For over a year before moving to this area, I had one woman on my friends list on Facebook. During Lent when I took a hiatus from there and was here almost daily, she and I developed a very close friendship through e-mail. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at her home when I came here in May on a house hunting trip. I was thrilled when she did nothing to annoy me (or rather me get annoyed at something she did), nor did we not get along. It was bliss! To find someone online, talk to them through e-mail & on Facebook - then finally meet them in person & instantly *click* - that's God's work.

I need to learn to listen to my gut. That instinct that nudges me from within, I fully believe is God at work in my life. And every single time I have not listened, I ended up hurt or hurting someone. And I fear that it the situation I've stumbled into. I met a woman on Facebook, have talked on/off with her for a month or so, and thought we would *click*. Afterall, we do have a lot in common. But in meeting her, I realized making friends in my new town is not going to be that easy! I think I was thinking this would be easy peasy since I clicked so well with my new friend. But boy, was I wrong. And I think that says a lot.

We need to listen to our gut instincts. We need to listen to God. We need to pray about the relationships in our lives. Two things made that internal alarm go off before meeting today's friend for lunch. But I didn't listen. I even told my husband last night that I wanted to cancel, but I did not. Now I feel that I'm either going to say the wrong thing (i.e. what if she stumbles upon this!?) or hurt feelings that I have no right to hurt.

So I ask - in "dating" - courting new friends - how do you let someone down? How do you say "thanks but no thanks"? Do you tell that person every time they call that you are busy? Do you realize that meeting people online first is not the way to go, but rather to meet real people and THEN talk to them online? Or do you just take a chance and 'date' - shop around - for new friends, returning to the store the ones you don't like?

No one ever said being an adult was easy. But I didn't think there would be parts of it that were so awkward either. Not since I was 26 years old have I not liked someone I met in person & then was later yelled at and belittled for not just coming out & saying I didn't want to be friends. But I fear the reaction would have been the same - 'what are you? too good for me'?

It's not that at all, it's that if you were a guy & we'd gone on a date.... I wouldn't answer when you called again ;)

So. How do you do it? How do you let someone down easy when you don't want to hurt someone's feelings?

Blessings!

Lori Wick: Pretense

2010-08-08T19:29:00.000-05:00

Location: Bellevue, NE
Weather: Very HOT & Very Humid (i.e. stay outside 2 seconds or more & you're wet)

Currently on my mind: Struggling with my 'identity' on Facebook

I am about 5 pages away from completing my favorite book in the entire world. Shortly after my spiritual journey to New Mexico in 2001, I stepped foot into Lifeway Christian Bookstores for the first time. I was ecstatic to find a single copy of Lori Wick's Pretense. A young woman on the trip with me had been reading the book & it was shared with another young woman that week. I asked what it was about because they couldn't keep their noses out of it! They told me and at the time I thought, "well surely I wouldn't enjoy that".

Boy, was I wrong. As God continued working in my life, He also changed my musical and literary desires. That's not to say that I don't still listen to Country music or read psycho killer thrillers, but my life would be very sad without my daily fix of Christian music and books such as this.

Shortly after owning my own copy of Pretense & reading it within a few mere days (this book is 700+ pages), my copy went on to my mother as well as various friends. Everyone who read it returned it to me with the same emotion in their voice and sense of spiritual enlightenment.

Anyway, I'm not reviewing the book. I just wanted to write about it since it is Sunday. Today is God's day and this book never ceases to bring my heart closer to Him. I only wish the entire world lived like the characters within the pages of this book. I desire to have the relationship with our Lord that the Bishop sisters had with Him. One time when I moved I had to get rid of my copy of Pretense. I recently ordered my new copy & would like to think I will never part with this one. It saddens me to have parted with my first copy. It is a book that I want to continue to share with the women in my life & hope to someday share with my daughters as my mother did with me (with other books). If you haven't read Pretense, please check it out. It is long, but it is inspiring and can give you a lift when you're feeling down.

Blessings!

A Snow Shovel & a Cookie

2010-08-07T14:02:00.000-05:00

Location: Bellevue, NE

Weather: Hot & dry - my hands are chapped

Currently on my mind: I'm not sure what to do next

So this morning we got up early & hit some garage sales. Let me just say, garage sales (or as they call them 'G-sales') are an industry here! It should be its own business. Well I guess it sort of is, right? It's huge. They are everywhere & they last all day! Some start on Thursday & don't end until Sunday! Unbelievable. I guess in the South it's too hot for long garage sales. We open up around 7 down there & are done by 11. Then we throw the rest in the car & head on up to the local Goodwill drop off.

We scored several items that will benefit us this winter - or at least one winter that we're living here - 2 snow shovels (different sizes), a chainsaw, tiller, hand saw for small projects, and 2 different types of wire cutters. We also stumbled across some books we like & picked those up as well.

AND, we nabbed some peanut butter & chocolate chip cookies as well as grape soda pop & water from a little girl with a booth at her parents yard sale. At least she didn't get shut down by a health inspector ;) So far so good too, we're not sick yet.

We then tried out a new (to us) local restaurant called Taco John's. Think Taco Bell, but better. It was the bomb. I think I stole that phrase from a friend who ate there last week (also new to the area). Honestly though, it was great.

So now I'm home with half of a Saturday spread out in front of me. I do have several projects I need to complete & also continue working on the house. I'm so very proud of myself & husband for getting everything done that we did yesterday. Amazing amount of productivity occurred in this house yesterday! Today I'd like to get a littly funky with the spray paint (hopefully not dirty), get some more items up on the walls, and finish my craft room. THEN I can say ONE room is COMPLETE! I'll post pictures as soon as I complete *something*. =)

Blessings!

*i accidentally made my sig too big & it won't let me make it smaller*

Military Spouse Friday!

2010-08-06T09:56:00.002-05:00

Location: Bellevue, NE
Weather: Cool enough to have the screen door open!

Currently on my mind: Wondering how my head will do today re: the headaches

Today, I'm joining in a Friday MeMe, courtesy of Wife of a Sailor.

1. What is something you wished you’d learned to do earlier in life? Well, I think I should have learned Spanish like everyone said I should. As a child it's so much easier to learn languages, music, etc. As an adult, I find it hard enough how to speak in English sometimes! As a Counselor, there are certain parts of the country where Spanish would really help me. I also wish I'd learned sign language. I think it would be amazing to be able to offer Counseling services to the deaf without the use of an interpreter.

2. What is your biggest pet peeve with the military? I honestly do not have a lot of pet peeves about the military. I'm blessed to be married to a man who is in a field that allows him to mostly be home with me. He's only gone away once since we've been married & to school for one week before we were married. I do have issues with their health "care". It is severely lacking in many aspects & I all too often hear (enter snide voice here) "well you should just be glad you have free medical care". Ya know, free isn't always what it's cracked up to be. If you're an adult, you should know that by now!

3. What tourist attraction near you have you never seen? Well, considering where we just moved - Mt. Rushmore! I can not wait =) But, where we came from was "home" to me for 32 years essentially & there are MANY parts of 'touristy' New Orleans that I never saw.

4. What are you avoiding doing right now? I am avoiding getting settled in & I'm not sure why. I think that I think if I move too much those headaches will come rushing back! But I've got to attempt to get settled in this weekend (and today).

5. Wine, beer or liquor? If & when I do choose to drink, it's usually an ice cold beer from the fridge after a long hot day of yard work, etc. Otherwise, if I'm somewhere public, I'll choose a VERY light (basically no alc) Bloody Mary or a fun mixed drink. I drink *maybe* 5 times a year, tops. I've tried to enjoy wine, but just don't like the taste of it.

Blessings!

Welcome Back: Me

2010-08-04T22:05:00.001-05:00

Location: Bellevue, Nebraska
Weather: 85 degrees and fair

Currently on my mind: wishing life would go back to "normal"

We've arrived. We arrived in our new 'life' on July 20th. It has had its ups and downs, but overall we are in love with our new life in Nebraska. It is absolutely beautiful here. I've struggled to get back to In The Wings due to limited to no internet access from the 13th through the 29th. Then on the 30th, I developed a migraine that essentially lasted for four days, and landed me in a local Emergency Room.

I was diagnosed with a migraine after a CT scan (CAT scan??), but then woke up yesterday (day 5 of this drama) with pain localized to an area where I hit my head on the 10th of July when I fell down 3 steps onto our front porch. AT our going away party nonetheless.

So when I say it's been hectic, it's been HEC.TIC.

Today, I landed BACK in the same ER and this time was essentially diagnosed with Post Concussive Syndrome. More or less, I experienced a mild concussion when I fell. Did not know it, did not do anything about it. For two days now I've experienced un-migraine-like headaches and instead had localized (severe) pain in the area in which I hit my noggin. After a normal MRI today I was told this sometimes happens after a mild concussion (can happen, rather) & if I'm still experiencing the localized pain on the 13th when I see my new Dr. on base, to ask for a Neurology consult.

Fun stuff, eh? So our movers finally appeared last Wednesday morning & I then had two days of non-stop work. I have not been able to function in my normal daily activities, muchless unpacking & 'making house' - so we are living with wall to wall boxes & piles of STUFF.

I sometimes feel like this is the PCS (permanent change of station for those of you non-military folk) from Hell. We've dealt with nothing but incompetent people up through the delivery of our household goods last Wednesday. I've never in my life dealt with adults who had such a lacking work ethic & turned evil on you the second you admitted you were an unhappy customer. It was like the Twilight Zone at times.

THEN I learned from my mother that Dr. Phil tells his staff (& has admitted as much) that they need NOT deal with an unhappy client on the phone, they do not have to tolerate it, to hang up on them or direct the problem to him. AND has said that if they are mean enough (my words, not his) that they will NOT end up on his show.

WHAT is this world coming to? I totally understand that we, as customers, do not have the right to call someone in a place of business and curse them or scream bloody murder. BUT do we not have the right to ask for satisfactory customer service?

This is what my husband and I attempted to do on numerous occassions prior to leaving Biloxi and long after our arrival in Nebraska. If I can say one thing from my own experience (not saying anything negative, thus denying any future charges of slander), I would not choose to do business with Interstate (the moving company) in the future. Our experience was horrible. In other areas, I would not choose to stay on base through any of the lodging facilities at Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, MS. Nor would I choose to stay at Key West Inn in Southaven, Mississippi. If you have sons or daughters in the Air Force (or military in general) feel free to share my personal opinions with them. When I shared my opinion on Facebook, I was pleased (or not so) to note that several other friends had had similar horrible experiences with the on base lodging at Keesler Air Force Base.

Nor would I ever choose Gollott & Sons as my local (or long distance) moving company out of Gulfport, Mississippi. Our experience left much to be desired, broken and damaged furniture, as well as a dislike of people who break items in our home within five minutes of stepping in said home AND not tell us. If I had not seen said breaking of items with my own eyes, I would not have known the individual packer broke those items. Lovely, right?

Now we have one cat who is psychotic and needs a vet appointment ASAP for kitty Prozac before she ruins the carpet in our brand new home. Then the dog needs a vet appointment ASAP for her yeast infection, which if I have to deal with the smell of for one more day I might cry.

And they don't tell you that a mild concussion, migraines, and localized headaches can cause unprovoked crying. Poke me the wrong way right now & I might cry.

In other news, I'm attending a Women of Faith weekend next weekend. I'm sad to have to go late the first morning due to the only Dr's appointment on God's green earth that they could find for me (still don't understand how that system is efficient), but nonetheless I WILL be there. I am so excited I could cry. Well, maybe not cry, but I could... let's see... jump for joy?

I can NOT WAIT for things to settle down, for my husband to start his new job up here at this base (he is on leave right now & let's just say [shh don't tell], there is only so much of him I can take). Can I get an Amen on that? I mean we love our men to death, but sometimes, geez Louise. Other than sleeping & a few errands we've been together NON STOP since July 15th. Please someone, send the Calgon.

Before I write a book I shall close for now. I wanted to update my handful (or fingerfull) of faithful readers and commenters. I love you guys (err, ladies) & can only hope that some random thought through the past month has been "I wonder where that girl is". ;)

Blessings!

Moving On

2010-07-01T00:28:00.001-05:00

Location: Biloxi, MS
Weather: 77* & mostly cloudy

Currently on my mind: the fact that I can't sleep

Moving On

Have you ever felt as if you're waiting for your life to start? It's a feeling I can't really explain. Sometimes, in life, I just feel as if I'm in limbo. I thought "wow, my life's really going to change", when I went to college. I thought it again when I graduated with a Master's degree. I thought it for sure on the day I walked down a steep staircase to get married.... and here I am, feeling it yet again, as I'm about to embark upon the adventure of a lifetime.

There are still people in our great nation who grow up and live out the rest of their days in their hometowns. There's not that many of us who do that anymore & notice I didn't say "world" because it's all too common in other parts of the world. But here in America, we're transient. We go away to go to college. We move away when we get married. Our families trek halfway across the country for decent paying jobs with benefits. And yet here I am, a southern girl, still living in the South after 32 long years. I can't even begin to count the number of friends who now live somewhere other than where they grew up. It's bound to happen to most of us, and it's about to happen for me.

And it's not just that my husband and I are moving halfway across the country. We bought a house. We are homeowners. We've been married over half a decade. Our parents are aging. It's time we face the facts folks, we ARE adults. But does one ever truly feel like an adult. Or are we all in a perpetual cycle of living our lives by just going through the motions. Who is an adult? Is it the twenty-one year old who lives at college? Is it the thirty-something, single, working 80 hours a week in Los Angeles? Is it the fifty year old mom raising six kids in the suburbs? Is it the eighty year old woman now living at the nursing home?

I think we're all (for the most part) kids at heart. We don't want to think about death and so we think so often of our lives in terms of "that will come later". But when we grasp life by the horns & hang on for the ride.... it can certainly be the ride of a lifetime. (no pun intended)

My husband said earlier this evening "wow he doesn't look 50" - as we're watching America's Got Talent. Then he looked at me with this horrified look on his face & said "Oh my God, I'll be 50 in 15 years". He will be 40 in five years. We just bought our first house. We've been married over half a decade. (yes, I'm recapping here) WE ARE ADULTS, people! When did that happen!?

So today marks July 1, 2010 - the beginning of a new month. The beginning of the 2nd half of two thousand and ten. The start of a journey for us that has no end. For this journey IS our life. It IS our adulthood. It will be our family, our anniversaries, our home repairs, our birthdays, the births of children, the loss of pets, and everything in between. And as with any major event in my life, it can be best described with music. Rascal Flatts: I'm Moving On. You'll find the YouTube video at the end of this post.

I've certainly found strength in my moments of weakness. I'd like to think I'm at peace with myself. And if I'm not, well it's certainly something I'm working on with the help of Christ, good friends, and a little Counseling thrown in for good measure. There are people in my life who will never allow me to change. They'll never get it. But you know what friends? I'm moving on. And I'm not alone in it. My husband is standing by my side, holding my hand & is also ready for the journey. So in a weird way, here we are 6 years into our life together & yet right now at this moment - we're finally ready to START living & not just going through the motions.

"There comes a time in everyone's life

When all you can see are the years passing by

And I have made up my mind

That those days are gone...."

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3: 12-14

Blessings!

June 2010: Recap

2010-06-30T16:37:00.001-05:00

Location: Biloxi, MS
Weather: 77* with heavy rain & thunderstorms (thanks to Alex)

Currently on my mind: hoping both myself & husband feel better by this weekend & can enjoy our 3rd to last weekend in the South!

June 2010 Recap

Top 10 things I accomplished this month:

10. BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!!
09. Went somewhere all by myself & had some fun
08. Had our moving (yard) sale
07. Did better at taking pictures to document our lives
06. Went at least one place we had never been
05. Ate out at at least one place we'd never eaten
04. Had my favorite seafood dish one last time
03. Joined PaperBackSwap & actually mailed out 4 books
02. Went through most all of the house in prep for move
01. Finally went swimming!!!

Top 5 things I most look forward to:

5. 4th of July cruise
4. Husband's formal graduation party/dinner
3. Playing tourist in Memphis
2. Playing tourist in St. Louis
1. Moving into our new home & starting our new life in NE

Top 10 things still "on the list":

10. Continuing to lose weight
09. Refinishing several pieces of furniture
08. Still purging
07. Seeing a few friends for the last time
06. Continuing to go & do fun things on my own
05. Getting through the move
04. Taking my plethora of medications/vitamins daily
03. Cooking meals at home
02. Training the dog
01. Begin trying to conceive!

June 2010 has come and gone. Half of 2010 has come and gone. What have you accomplished this year that you're proud of. What was on your list that you still need to work on? Is there anything you're especially looking forward to? Please, share!

It goes without saying that the most important things on my list are the things I strive for daily - a closer walk with Jesus, a strong, communicative relationship with my husband, being a good person, and striving to maintain a personal level of excellence that makes me happy =)

A few of my favorite pics from June 2010:

Blessings!

Oily beaches

2010-06-29T18:31:00.001-05:00

Location: Biloxi, MS

Weather: 83 degrees and mostly cloudy

Currently on my mind: how much stuff we throw away before we move - half empty shampoo bottles, old perfumes, little things of no worth, food items that no one can use, etc....

Oily Beaches:

Well it appears that yesterday, the oil arrived in Biloxi. Today, someone (BP? the Government?) unleashed dozens of workers in Hazmat suits, bringing them in by the busload. They spanned a mile or two mile area of beach, cleaning up oil patties (as they've nicknamed them). With Tropical Storm Alex (Hurricane??) churning in the Gulf, the waves are kickin', the current is flowing & the winds are pushing the oil in by the minute. It's sad to see our beaches affected by such a tragedy - as they are one of the main things that bring tourists to this area. If the beaches are affected, the casinos are affected. If the casinos are affected, the economy is affected. If the water is affected, the local seafood industry is affected. And this cycle goes on and on. As we sat in a seafood restaurant on Friday night, we realized a place like that would be shut down if the local seafood industry were to take a serious hit from the oil spill. Who knows. Who knows what the long term effects will be? No one. None of us know, we can only hope for the best.

And on days like this, it's nice to know there's still beauty in the world:

Blessings!

Starting again....

2010-06-28T22:26:00.005-05:00

Location: Biloxi, MS
Weather: 79 & party cloudy

Currently on my mind: Starting fresh. New format. New signature. And a level of anonymity that was much needed:

Today I said my first 'goodbye'. I didn't realize how hard it would be! It's sad to let go of people that have come into our lives... but the new adventures & friends that await are bound to be blessings!!

We leave here in twenty-one days. Part of me can't wait & is on pins & needles. The other part looks around, sees all the things that need to happen before then & freaks out a little. I have no doubt in my abilities to get it all done, it's just overwhelming sometimes.

God has been good to us over the past month. I'm not sure who did something right (just kidding), but we've been blessed abundantly. My husband made his next rank after testing only once in the Air Force, we bought our first home, and things have just been going really well! I could be doing some things a lot differently spiritually right now, but I have no doubt that I will make the changes I need to make.

As for now,

Blessings!

Show Us Your Life: Books

2010-05-15T14:13:00.000-05:00

Today (supposed to be yesterday) I'm participating in Show Us Your Life on Kelly's Korner. You can see this week's entries here.

This week's theme is: Favorite books &/or Children's Books. Wow. I certainly was a reader growing up. I could read a pre-teen book in a day! We're talking Baby Sitter's Club here, nothing fancy! I read that entire series but could never really get into the Sweet Valley High series. I still have a lot of my early childhood books that my mom & I used to read together. I hope to someday read those same books with my children.

Some of the most important or favorite books in my life (in order of appearance):

Basically, my favorite book as a young child.

This was my favorite STORY as a child. It was in a thick green book, full of children's stories. The book was actually my brother's, who was 10 years older. I read this story sometimes daily!

As previously mentioned, The BabySitter's Club series.

The entire series!

I think I discovered this book in 5th grade. I read it so many times the cover fell off.

Mine was pink back then.

"We must. We must. We must increase our bust"!

We read this in 9th grade. It became one of my favorites at that time & I reread it several times!

Ahh, one of my favorites! The movie too.

We watched the movie in class.

I had to read this one outside of class, while I was at home with Mono. Once I got past the "ugh" of having to read it, I became enthralled with the story & read it several more times in high school. I still own that original copy from English III, Junior Year =)

The first Christian fiction book I ever read. My favorite of all time. I shared it with so many people before finally having to get rid of it one time when we made a big move. I'd love to own it again!

And there you have it my friends. Some of my favorite books of all time. At least those that stand out in my mind, heart, and memory. These books made an impact in my life for various reasons. I'll always be a reader. It's my #1 hobby & I don't think anything/one could ever take that away from me!

Toodles!

Quality time with Him

2010-05-15T12:15:00.001-05:00

When do you feel the closest to God?

I've noticed a trend in my life. I realized that I seek out my personal quality time with God more during the winter months. Something about the darkness of the nights & shorter days pulls me towards Jesus. Add in a little rain & we have a perfect day for some deep exploration of the Word and prayer.

There is something about the wintertime. Something that pulls and tugs at me - drawing me closer to Him in every moment. I pray without ceasing, I tune into my emotions, I listen to what God is trying to tell me, and I delve into the Word as well as Bible study. I'm not sure what it is - the dim lighting of the home, the twinkle of little Christmas lights all around the house, more flicker of candle light in the evening.... the knowing that He is what is all important during that time. But go one step further - in January, Christmas is over & yet I still feel closer to Him. In November, Christmas has not yet begun & I still feel closer to him.

There is something about the cold days, the wintery winds, the darkness of the season that propels me to dance hand in hand with my spirituality.

But when the days begin to lengthen & the temperatures begin to rise, I become distracted. By the time the seasons of spring and summer are fully in bloom, I've oftentimes lost my connection with Him. And I want that back! And yet do you notice oftentimes it is during the summer months when Bible studies go on hiatus, women's groups do not meet, youth groups are suspended for that time. Why is it that our vacations, yard work, and beach time are more important than God? What if only two people showed up? Is that not worthy? Is it not worth it to minister to only a miniscule number of people? What would Jesus say about that?

But it's not just the things outside the home. It's what is inside that I need to focus on. Just like it's what is inside of us that we need to focus on versus what the world sees.

My challenge for myself this week is to carve out daily time for the Word, prayers, and devotion. I start a new Bible study on Wednesday & am very much looking forward to the education and the sisterhood that will bring me. I hope to let you know (next Saturday) how this is going for me!

Blessings my dear friends,

I AM a Christian Atheist

2010-05-14T22:32:00.003-05:00

I enjoy spending time in one of my favorite stores, Lifeway. I especially enjoy browsing the book selections. Yesterday I bought three books - Here & Now, There & Then member's guide for my new Bible study starting this week, I Will Carry You by Angie Smith from Bring the Rain, and a fiction choice on sale at $3.97 - which I just could not pass up! While browsing the aisles, I stumbled upon The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel.

It caught my eye because I was perplexed as to what that meant. I picked it up, browsed the dust jacket, and promptly put it back on the shelf before anyone could see me looking at it! You know the feeling. You don't want to be caught looking at something someone might judge you for? Well, I prefer to think that I live my life not caring what other people think, but sometimes that is wishful thinking. Well, I wished I could have afforded the book & I would have stuck it in the middle of my pile. But I knew I was stretching my tiny budget already. I hope to find it online at a cheap price. Then no one has to see me looking at it, right?

So what is a Christian Atheist? Do you know? I sure didn't. Here is an excerpt from the webpage:

"The Christian Atheist, by recovering Christian Atheist Craig Groeschel, is an honest, hard-hitting and eye-opening look into the ways people believe in God but live as if he doesn’t exist".

"Christians and Christian Atheists everywhere will be nodding their heads as they are challenged to take their own honest moment and ask the question: am I putting my whole faith in God but still living as if everything was up to me"?

Oh but I am. You hit the nail on the head there Craig. It is SO hard to move out of our comfort zones & challenge ourselves to LIVE a life worthy of being called a follower of Christ.

Christian Atheists are everywhere, it's not something new. And we've all been a Christian Atheist at some point in our journey.

This year has been about me growing spiritually, developing as a Christian woman who believes in God with her entire being, but also LIVES a Godly life. A life worth living. A life of beauty. A life blessed.

Francis Chan's book 'Crazy Love' has helped me with this and I look forward to reading 'The Christian Atheist'.

Please feel free to share your feelings on this topic!

Blessings!

The Jar Without A Name

2010-05-13T20:40:00.000-05:00

there is a jar

that has no name

its only purpose

is to say hello again

This year we introduced a jar into our family. Well technically I guess it would be called a vase. This vase sits in our front entry way and serves as our way of saying hello to our many friends and family (and some strangers) across the miles. Not only do we say hello again, but our purpose that week is to pray for the person or family to whom we've sent a card.

You see, this vase holds address labels. Each Sunday we randomly pick a label, much like a Bingo number is chosen. I then sit down & write up a card to the chosen one(s) & it is mailed out on Monday. We start praying for them before they even know it! Most of our recipients receive their cards mid-week.

Our hope is that our cards put a smile on their faces, a little joy into their day, and remind them of God's presence in their lives.

If you'd like to be added to our 'jar without a name', please just e-mail me your address & of course names if I don't already know them. We'd love to pray for you and send a little piece of joy your way!

And if you have ideas on what I should name my jar - please share!

Toodles!